As usual, David Price's improvements gallop forwards into an ever-developing excellence. The descriptions here bring the atmosphere very much alive and the scene is beautifully set. Those small but evocative introductions to his early childhood are very, very cleverly handled.
I do have only one small doubt - that some readers will perhaps be lost in too much general reminiscence. Is the pace too slow? Should there be more hints - and not too subtle at that - as to the direction of the story to come?
As far as the first chapter is concerned, perhaps some of the descriptive passages could come a little later - after the darker side has already been introduced. I do not suggest anything too obvious - but there is always the danger that readers will lose interest if their attention is not grabbed quickly.
On the other hand, this very deft handling does create a dramatic contrast to the growing menace.
Good luck - you deserve it. view book

Each careful edit improves the sleek and elegant writing and the clever handling of an extremely tricky subject. Childhood sexual abuse can be handled either with unashamed sentimentality, or with prurient insensitivity. David Price does not fall into either trap. His handling is fluid, sensitive and subtle. The story creeps naturally into focus - we enter the shattered mind and understand the problems from within. Then the story sweeps us along, until we cannot any longer put it down.
MASTER ACT becomes more of a master act each time I return to it. The story deserves to be told - but this is far more than a matter of duty. The writing is now truly excellent. The book is once again firmly on my bookshelf and I hope it soon climbs into the top 5. view book

This is so clever, so well written, and so absorbing. I started with a tiny complaint - since the third paragraph of the prologue seemed muddled and needed rereading before it made sense. However - if there was subsequently anything else to complain about, I no longer know - for I was reading too fast to notice. The pace and the detail just pulled me forwards and I began to love the story, the characters, and the style. This really is quite delightful - and when I get more time I'll be reading more of it with pleasure. On my Watchlist and highly starred. Good luck. view book

There is a lot I like here, and the cultural insights are fascinating. The highly emotional expression brings out an element of character and sensitivity which is both intriguing and effective. The plot gradually becomes engaging too - and there is a lot to enjoy here. However, the difficulties with the language, grammar and tense are considerable, and they need to be dealt with before any serious effort could be made to present this to a publisher. A patient editor would be required - but if the writing remains simply as a passionate hobby - then this is certainly worth while. The beginning is definitely clever and although the style is rather wayward, and many words are repeated over and over - it is principally the language difficulty which holds this back. Good luck. view book

Although the rather poetic and dream-like beginning has a certain charm, I do feel such a negative start is not going to attract a general readership. Could you not entice your readers in with a somewhat more positive note? It is not immediately clear what is being described here - and the intensely emotional outpouring - although lyrical - I found sentimental and exaggerated.
I do not wish to be entirely critical here as there is also a great deal to praise - especially the originality and the appeal to the senses. However, a good editor would also be required to straighten out the grammar and some of the word distortions.
Some of your phrasing is extremely pretty, but I do honestly feel that such a dramatic outpouring of negative distress would be alienating to many unless it was explained more objectively - and the motivation presented.
Good luck. view book

This is extremely moving, and an important story to tell. I believe it could also be commercially successful since this type of insight does help our general understanding, and the public recognises this. However, in order to appeal to a publisher there would first be a considerable amount of rewiting necessary.
For a start, I believe the huge amount of wide scale abuse described here is a sort of overload. There would be more impact if the story concentrated on a more narrow focus. Referring to abuse by teachers, neighbours and police as well as from the father and step-mothers, just confuses the story. The whole picture becomes a wild abusive nightmare which is difficult to understand.
On the other hand, this extremely violent situation could be used as a dramatic background to a tighter and more specific storyline.
However, the way it is told here is just too generalised and does not carry the impact it deserves.
There also needs to be a better flow to the narrative. It veers from a documentary type style into a more personal one - becomes distracted with irrelevant detail - and then wanders off into another direction. A really good editor could help with the grammar, punctuation and word distortions - but there also needs to be some help given towards determining style and focus.
The faults need work - but it would be worth it. This is a story which would surely be cathartic to tell, but also prove of immense interest to the reader.
To me this does not read as a finished work - but as a first tentative draft it is absolutely excellent - and promises a valuable book to come in the future.
Such traumatic experiences have surely given you great insight and wisdom. Now is the time to read other books - perhaps of a similar nature - and apply your own experience to create an original and deeply moving book. I wish you very good luck. view book

This is a totally magical and very clever beginning. Although I have no occasion to read children's books anymore, I can imagine this is extremely well geared to its audience. The writing is literate without being challenging, the imagination is inspiring, and the story could easily become addictive. One very small point - but polar bears don't actually roar (they growl or hiss) but that is not of interest to children no doubt. I congratulate you on an excellent story, excellently told. On my Watchlist and starred. view book

This is so strong and holds so much promise - I just feel the writing needs more 'polish'. The first paragraph for instance. The first 5 sentences are absolutely excellent - tense, sharp, and they draw the reader instantly into the anticipation of story and character development. But then the 6th sentence starting --- "It was probably----:" becomes strangled by grammar. This could be so easily improved. The same sort of thing continues - with a little too many delays slowing the pace - and matters unnecessarily repeated. Yet there is so much to admire and the first two chapters are both gripping and interesting. On my Watchlist. view book

I can't find fault. Or at least - it would be churlish to do so for this is just too good. I only meant to read 2 chapters (time is pressing) but I have read 5 so far and will be back another day for more. The sense of urgent excitement is infectiously thrilling, the writing is expert and flows beautifully, the plot is intriguing and seems original and the whole package is thoroughly enjoyable. The pace really races you along too, and I just love the beginning. Well - it's obviously extremely clever! What more can I say, except it deserves its number 9 spot and I am sure it will go into the top 5 where it belongs. A great read. view book

This is cleverly written and the simplicity of style adds to the touching message. As a tool towards greater awareness, I believe this story could bring genuine benefit. Education is invariably a major part of animal conservation and as such, touching peole's hearts while increasing their awareness is a subtle and logical form of educating.
This is a deeply moving story and that is the main point. However, some editing is needed with regard mainly to grammar.
It is hard to call this entertaining - but in one sense it is. I certainly wish you enormous good luck with such an important message. On my watchlist and starred. view book

This is written with the most beautiful melancholy - evil in all its sadness - and I think it is extremely clever. The very first paragraph - just a touch corny perhaps - but so deliciously gripping. How could anyone fail to read on? There are one or two tiny distractions (gilden IN silver surely?) and the odd extraneous adjective perhaps - but on the whole I found the style expert, the atmosphere marvellous, the storyline compelling, and the idea thoroughly entertaining. Highly starred and on my watchlist. view book

I have read just two chapters but I fully intend reading more. This is good.
Some of the phrasing is expert and the atmosphere of time and place is beautifully brought alive. I adore the occasional descriptions - the countryside - the dawn light - the sensations both hidden and exposed. The characterisation is clear, these are characters you can understand and sympathise with.
I have a few very tiny doubts about the very slow pace at the beginning. Yes, this does build up the magic - the anticipation and a sense of suspense. However, it is important to grab attention early on. Perhaos just a few unnecessary adgectives could be cut - the 'small' where something is clearly that size anyway - the 'kitchen table' in the very first paragraph - just a few here and there. This is nit picking but I feel the pace could be built up rather more and with important benefits. Not too fast of course - the slow realisations are clever and brought through beautifully by what is said - and even more by what is not said but implied.
On my watch list - starred - and I shall read more. view book

This is well written, starts extremely well, and quickly captures the attention.
I have a few small problems - 'dangerous people' in the first paragraph sounds oddly childish and there are just a few too many adjectives. But my principal complaint is the pace. For this genre a rather cleaner crisper style would speed along a little faster. I don't mean the corny Dick Tracey type of pace - but this gets a little too tied up in description and pointless dialogue for me.
But that does not detract from some excellent story telling and definite intrigue - enough to keep the reader's interest active.
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I found this immediately delightful and immediately gripping. I confess I am usually uncomfortable with anything - especially a first chapter - written in the present tense. Not sure why - but it throws me - as if having to decide why and how the narrator is talking to me instead of getting on with her life.
But now I take all this back. I have been carried along with the easy, engaging flow of the expert writing style and the spring of pace. I especially enjoyed the vivid characterisation. Having read two chapters, I am ready for more. Must make room on my bookshelf ---------- view book

Why haven't I read this before? I've been missing such a lot. The pace is excellent, the sense of threat and foreboding quite electric, and the atmosphere vivid.
Most of the narrative is extremely clever - though I do feel a few brief cuts here and there would speed it along with even more excitement.
Just a small example - Ist chapter, end of 2nd paragraph, maybe stop after - "incantation." The quivering lips are a bit drippy - and we will know it worked if you start the next parapgraph with "Her SLEEPING babe in her arms ---" after all, the reader does not need every detail explained - presumably we aren't that young!
I found the "heavy leather boots" over described as well. And after all - we know her heart won't be pounding on the OUTSIDE of her ribcage. These are very small points - but a few cuts like this would really increase the quality. (Only my opinion).
But I love it. I have read two chapters so far and have every intention of reading more tomorrow. In fact, I don't think I can put it down. Highly starred.
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Not being my favourite genre, I am probably far too old and not the best judge here, but I was certainly intrigued and drawn in by the excellent beginning.
I admit I faded out a little as the story progressed. I found too many adgectives of excess - everything too repeatedly gorgeous, huge and beautiful. The vocabulary seemed limited and I began to lose interest.
But some excellent qualities promptly drew me back - and the prose once again became dynamic.
I think this book has tremendous scope and promise. Maybe a slight rewrite and edit would help it along. Or perhaps I'm just not the ideal reader here. view book

I love the story and I love the characters. This sort of historical detail is always absolutely fascinating to me and you make it wondrously vivid and believable.
My only slight complaint is that it reads more as journalism - and although it is not (I assume) fictional - I think the writing style could benefit from a little more punch - rather than the strictly explanatory.
However, this is a genuinely interesting and pleasurable read. Good luck. view book

i like this. Several particular points have aroused my interest and the style of writing is easy, pleasant, and fast. You are thrifty with adjectives, which lends pace and a certain efficiency.
I have one problem however - you start the book by introducing one character after another in some detail - so that immediately the reader becomes interested in one, he is distracted by another. I was ready to explore more about the house and its owner - when Harry pushed in. I was getting interested in Harry - when along comes Ed. And these characters are too obviously introduced instead of emerging naturally from the storyline. More action and fewer abrupt introductions would be better. But it soon picks up speed and becomes intriguing. Good luck. view book

I found this inspiringly delicious. The pace and the humour are extremely fast moving, the writing is quite expert, and the whole bubble carried me along. I found it such a pleasant read, I have (something I do rarely) put it into the one spare gap on my bookshelf. This is a book I would buy and read from beginning to end, and if it continued to be as charming as it seems so far, I would promptly read it again. Clever - and delightful. view book

This is such clever writing. Slick and sure, the characterisation comes shining through. The style is not the sort of thing I usually enjoy - too much slang and accented dialogue can be exhausting just to read - but this really rolls along and I genuinely do want to know what happens next.
The beginning, of course, is the hook that reels you in - and then the sheer speed and pace keep you there. Very well done and good luck. (On my Watchlist and starred) view book