You asked for a read, and I normally don't respond until after others have read mine. But today's a day of editing and distractions, so I'm allowing myself some time away and picked yours up. After beginning the read, I did something I seldom do, which is read the comments before writing my own. I ... view book

I like the opening lines, but I'm confused by the prologue, not sure it's needed, not sure what's happening when ch. 1 starts. The prologue forebodes the need for a good edit through out. Commas are misplaced or are not needed. "A lone man sat, chained,"--stilted read. 'A chained man sat alone i... view book

I've spent a lot of time working with and living around Hispanics who actually call themselves Mexican. They are third or fourth generation Americans who's grandparent, great-grandparents immigrated from Mexico. Many speak Spanish, but in everyday life, they don't mix the Spanish with the English.... view book

ch. 1, second sentence is a run-on sentence. Like the way it starts with dialogue, moves well at this point, slows later on with a long narrative section--infodump and too much tell, need more show. Paragraph where she's walking home, discussing her home life--"...to help towards the rent etc. (al... view book

This has potential to be an interesting story -- the story develops well, the characters work well together and you have given them some depth. However, the first chapter starts when they are in school -- the rest of it is all tell, too much backstory. All that information could be brought in in p... view book