plane williams recent comments

written 1419 days ago
cherry

I think you an excellent topic and very relevant. I'm one who struggles with failure-I've had many in life but I know God works through those probably more than in success.

I encourage you to work on your mechanics. Remember, "less is best" or say what you what to say with as few words as possible,

One example...

"This day they were to rendezvous with support from a fighter squadron and then proceed to bomb a German run ball bearing base in Northern Italy"

They don't rendezvous with "support" but rather they rendezvouz with the fighter squadron. Also, no need to say German "run" just write "German ball bearing plant in Northern Italy."

Good luck and keep writing! view book

written 1439 days ago
cherry

Great suggestions, thank you. I'll certainly take a look at your work.
thanks again

Plane, a cinematic piece if ever I saw one! A fascinating time and place, and you've set the scene so well, both with that scene and with your characters.

If you don't mind a tiny observation or two... Near the beginning, you explain the game of fan-tan - very interesting, but I'd like to see you weave it in a little more, rather than a kind of info-dump. Maybe as Katherine listens, so we see that game with her. It's only a short piece, I know, but so near the all-important beginning. Also, I think maybe there's a few too many "Are you okay?" lines, where perhaps a questioning eyebrow would suffice... ha.

You've done the fear, sweat and fight-action sections so well. Those tongs... larger than life. Ben must live...! I look forward to reading some more, and have backed the book for you now. I wish you well with this, Plane - from Kay ("Annacara" - shortly to be re-titled "Waystation to Prosperity Street"... yes! From Chinatown... but not the same story!) x

view book

written 1448 days ago
cherry

Original story, clever names, memorable characters; I like it so far and I appreciate your synopsis
I wonder if the dialogue needs polishing, particularly with the contractions; example "It's okay Sam...Do not let the price be for nothing" [Don't let the price be for nothing]

I hope to get through the book and offer you some solid suggestions and encouragment,

keep on view book

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