You book looks very interesting. I have highly rated and backed and will begin reading soon. I hope you can check out my friend's book called Solian Chronicles: Pluto Genesis by MDWS77 and maybe do the same. It too is a Science Fiction. view book
Here is the review I promised, finally. I read all that you had here before commenting to give a good evaluation.I actually like your first chapter or "Letter of Introduction", very unique and entices the reader to go on.Your Prologue, Chapter 2, continues that enticement, but it does bring up some issues. It was hard to follow who was who. Is Death the woman, or Siegfried, or someone else, or just a concept? I couldn't figure that out and it threw off the story.Then you get into your Chronicles. After the first two Authonomy chapters, I was expecting you to start out with what the world was before the Elementals changed all that. But instead you start out in the world that follows. OK, that's fine. It would have been nice to see the transition. Maybe you show that later in your novel.Next, your pitch didn't seem to fit your story. Din's world didn't seem that perfect from the start. She never gets the man she loves, her friends seem to be annoying and she doesn't wield any new power. I don't know how long this book is going to be, but it seemed like it was taking to long for the main things to happen to Din. They are basically being chased by monsters, which is good, but she is helpless to do anything about it. Now it looks like the next few chapters that you don't have posted, something big will happen to her. But that seems a little bit to far into the story.Also, how old is Din and her friends? Especially Talim and Mina. They seem to be very immature for 18 to 20+ year olds and would fit the 14 to 16 year old range better. But then Din would be too young to be getting married.Overall, you have very good potential in your novel. It just needs some tightening up of the story.Here are some possible grammar issues for you to look at:Long Pitch: "Her dream is shatter and Din" == Should be "dream was shattered and Din"Chapter 1: "from which I hale." == Should be "hail", not "hale"."it makes me sound – trashy don’t you think" == Maybe a comma after "trashy" to emphasize"Many of those who had the power of one of the elements were so scared of their new found abilities – and I suppose it didn’t help that those who were normal, and I use the term lightly, feared and persecuted them without any sighs of mercy. " == Sentence too long and hard to follow, please look at breaking it up."We had to imply our magic and elements to work things" == Use "apply" rather than "imply"."honestly it’s in their and probably your nature" == Need a comma after "their"."Many you enjoy it and may its contents" == Should be "Many of you".Chapter 2: Looked ok, grammar wise.Chapter 3: "With her sisters joining in, the stood in front of Din" == Should be "they" instead of "the"."Looking at her reflection on last time," == Should be "for" instead of "on"."Reaching only the base of his neck with her heels, she had to look up a little." == Do you mean "hand" instead of "heels"? Or do you mean tip-toes? Not sure what you are describing."Huh?” she asked her hand flying to her neck" == "she" should be "She"."What’s it called? A coodle?" == Not sure what a "coodle" is. Do you mean "poodle"?"look in them as the peered through her rectangular glasses" == Should be "as she peered", not "as the peered".Chapter 4: "Myotis had made the comment that where you sat in the theater reflect how you where if life – the higher up, the better off." == Should be "where in life", not "where if life"."With that and quick tug" == Should be "and a quick" rather than "and quick"."He said as stood up." == Should be "as he stood" instead of "as stood"."Then of the monster more poured out from back stage over the first few rows of patrons." == Should be "Then more of the monster poured out"."Myotis took the lead staring towards the door" == Should be "lead starting towards"."Jarring the door, Ivy eyes narrowed as looked out it" == Should be "Ivy's eyes narrowed as she looked"."most of the hall was giant monster" == Should be "was a giant monster"."she yelled as spun around" == Should be "as she spun"."The monster’s roars the shook the building" == Should be "roars shook the building"."How where they going to get out of there?" == Should be "How were they"."Though an option I don’t think it will be as easy as that" == Should be comma after "option"."The sight of monster and him was cut off," == Should be "sight of the monster"."pulling on her arm, so words being yelled, but all she saw" == Should be "words were being yelled"."Where would the end up?" == Should be "would they end up".Chapter 5: "I will no shut up Ivy,” == Should be "will not shut up"."Off in the distance there was voice" == Should be "there were voices"."Two more voice followed, two men’s voices" == Should be "Two more voices followed"."Who would the first to fall?" == Should be "would be the first"."Would she have actually have to use it?" == Should be "Would she actually have to use it"."The guy began to run, ducking under ever swipe it would throw at him" == Should be "under every swipe"."The red lines began to wrap around the it, tightly holding it in place." == Should be "wrap around it, tightly"Chapter 6: "How do you such things?" == Should be "How do you do such things"."Around the tree’s mighty trunk, a crimson ring hand been painted" == Should be "crimson ring had been".I still highly rated your book and put back on my shelf. I hope you can still check out my friend's book called Solian Chronicles: Pluto Genesis by MDWS77, and do the same.Good luck and I hope you enjoy many books on this site. view book
Read some and added to my shelf for now. You cover looks cool. Hopefully I can read more and comment more soon. view book
Highly rated and added to watch list. Hope to get to this soon. If you like Science Fiction with a positive spin, like I do, then please check out Solian Chronicles: Pluto Genesis by MDWS77. It is a great novel and I hope you can enjoy reading it as much as I did. I hope you get to enjoy some good books on this site. view book
Added to watchlist and highly rated. Hope to get to it soon. Hope you can check out my friend's book. It is called Solian Chronicles: Pluto Genesis by MDWS77. view book
I have completed your book and overall, it is a very good novel. I will start reading the second one soon. I didn't see very many grammar or spelling issues, however, I do see some inconsistencies that you may want to address. 1. You mention that in the museum, there are devices that are from centuries after Sirk's, but at the end, Earth is destroyed while Sirk and his friend's watch before they head back to Urf. 2. In the last chapter, you have Sirk picking up his friend's families while trying to avoid detection. Once they pick up John's family, they should be done and time to get out of Earth, but you have them trying to get to India for some reason. What is that reason? They had to destroy a squadron of Terrafighters to do so, but they just go into space once they get to India. 3. Working with MPs in the USAF, I know they wouldn't just let Sirk go if they had orders to arrest them. And they would not listen to some excuse that he was a civilian. They would just take him to where they were ordered to and officially release him to whoever ordered. But you seem to have Sirk just walking away from the MPs when he arrest him at his ship and take him to HQ building. You might want to address that somehow.4. Not really an issue, but the British slang was a little hard to follow at times for us Americans, but Wikipedia did help with the terms.Those first 3 areas that are not consistent with the story, so they should be address. I hope you take these comments as helpful because I REALLY did like your book. I wouldn't have read the whole thing unless I did.On to Earth to Earth. view book
Finished through Chapter 7 and really do like your book. I will comment more later. view book
I have read through the first 3 chapters of your book and I am really enjoying it. Your chapters are very long, but well worth the read. So far, the only issue I found is in the very first chapter near the beginning of the book. There seems to be a pretty big jump from when Sirk is thinking about his wife and how other would do anything to be in his shoes and all of a sudden both are at his work ready to see him off. I didn't see how they got there. view book
I read the first chapter of your book and like it very much. I will probably read all of it soon. One area at the beginning of your book that was a little confusing is where you say, "give their eyeteeth to be in his shoes! The intercom buzzed".It seems like your character should still be at home at this point, but then you talk about another place (Brigadier Tranter's office).How did Sirk and Cita get to outside the office when he was last going to make coffee in the kitchen? view book
Read some of your book and like what I have seen so far. view book
Like your book. Highly rated and watchlisted. You might like Solian Chronicles: Pluto Genesis by MDWS77. It is VERY good. view book view book
Like your book. Highly rated and watchlisted. You might like Solian Chronicles: Pluto Genesis by MDWS77. It is VERY good. view book