Great cover!Rian TorrNew London Masqueradewww.ATstudio.ca view book
You use a lot of dialogue, which is good.RianTorrNew London Masquerade view book
Lots of dialogue, well done.RianTorrNew London Masquerade view book
Nice opening lines, love Sydney. Rian TorrIn French's Forest view book
Nice details. RT view book
Great beginning, can't wait to read more!Rian TorrNew London Masquerade view book
We have all been there, trying to sell too many turnips, caught late for coming home! Work smart, not hard fellow writers! Love the title.Rian TorrNew London Masquerade view book
Such a great opening, so visual and kinetic. Begin with a baby crying and you cannot lose!Rian TorrNew London Masquerade view book
I like the pacing and trim paragraphs. I'm glad such crisp writing is near the top where it should be. Regards,Rian TorrNew London Masquerade view book
Nice atmospheric setting, thoroughly fleshed out writing, good dialogue. Nice short paragraphs, good pace. RT view book
I like Chapter 3's opening line the best so far. RT view book
Great voice. Good subject matter. Strong opening. Five Stars. First person, historical--well balanced paragraphs. Steady pace. Well done.Rian Torr, In French's Forest view book
Great title! Perhaps shorten some paragraphs for faster pace. Love the historical roots.Rian TorrIn French's Forest view book
Hi Velix Hollow, love your name. Book title Sprites is awesome. Ula character name interesting. Maybe break up paragraphs more for increasing pace.Best, RT view book
Love the concept of animal books, one of my favorite genres. You pull it off with in depth contemplation on how the birds behave. The talking is great, a nice way to help round them out as human-like characters. Perhaps consider some shorter paragraphs to help speed up the pace, but that is just style subjectivity. Overall high stars! I understand it's probably better to weave in human stories, but I almost feel you should write a book entirely about animals. RT view book
Great first line! Sets instant suspense. Interesting book title too.Rian TorrNew London Masquerade view book
I love any story with a self-help guru in it. Bravo! Rian TorrNew London Masquerade view book
I like how the word 'Hollow' appears in the last line of the book.Regards,Rian TorrNew London Masqueradewww.ATstudio.ca view book
"Its destination was at a Halloween house party, forty-five minutes away."Read it both ways and you will probably see what I mean.Usually good to compact nouns as such to stay succinct.Regards,Rian TorrNew London Masquerade view book
WHITE MOUNTAIN by Sophie Tallis- review for the Worldbuilders thread -Good imagery. Writing is tight, fluid and descriptive. Plot is enticing enough and genre is clear. I scanned dozens of books before I found one I wanted to review for the Worldbuilders thread and yours was it.My one constructive comment follows now ... Perhaps it is too descriptive at first. More dialogue and action from first jump might help the hook. Even something very minor like your character doing something really helps. You can even cut back out to the mountain-scape if you want, but starting at the mountain and working your way into the character, then describing the character in great detail before actually getting into the character's actions slows the pace greatly. It is usually better to begin with dialogue and/or action, then insert the descriptive details in short bursts, usually just adjectivally on the back of the action, as opposed to devoting entire paragraphs to pure detail. When you add motion and sound to your visuals, you exponentially bolster your hook. It is usually better to leave details out entirely if you are delaying the dialogue or action. Novels used to begin more you have here, but now in the movie age our brains have been hard-wired to crave the sound and motion. Regards,Rian TorrNew London Masquerade view book