A very workmanlike start and you have captured Pelham's voice exquisitely. Only two general comments. First, I think you could introduce narrative. Let the words of love come direectly from his mouth! And hers, eventually when they do. Second, I found the punctuation a bit lacking or weak in places.... view book

Hi Kirk, All deja vu so I looked at your comments. I commented briefly 343 days ago and backed you then! What a great yarn. I love your wrting stye and the way you introduce characters and their dialogue. I cannot fault what you've done. Beautifully original and I just love your striking title. I'll... view book

Hi Sam, You write very well. You have a lovely fluid style and have no trouble constructing either dialogue or narrative. The pace is about right, slightly slowed by what I think are unnecessary details, eg computer chair when chair would do. I try not to use got so I'd prefer 'I lost myself in my i... view book

Hi monicque, what a great start. it takes of like a rocket burning for the sky. I loved the pace, the tension and your easy going writing style! I'm coming back to read some more! Pretty well polished, too. The only nit was in the first few paras of ch.1: 'squishing my larynx' : not so sure about sq... view book

Dear Daniel, I commented on your unique book 288 days ago. I stick to what I said then. It is impossible for me to understand why these people don't like it. You are up there with the Bolanos and Javier Mariases. The Spanish speakers are making true breakthroughs in the construction and content of t... view book