I've read and enjoyed and sent you a message as well. view book

The pitch is a bit muddled, esp re the tenses. Best, I understand, to stick to the present tense. This observation re the tense carries over into the story itself.
eg: ‘As I did so, I looked about, noticing there is still considerable work…’
should be
‘As I did so, I looked about, noticing there was still considerable work…’
I won’t list them, but there are more of the same type.
‘…chatting way…’ should this be ‘…chatting away…’ ?
In real life, people don’t so often use people’s names when chatting with them. I’d avoid it as much as possible, unless necessary. See how often Antony and George and Pete use names in their exchanges. And generally, watch for overuse of names where you might better use a pronoun or some other word.
I don’t think you want a list of minor typos and grammatical points, so won’t mention any others unless they are particularly glaring.
'TACHYONS RULE OK' LOL!
The first chapter is enough to make me wish to read more. I’d probably take it our from the library, but probably not buy it.
Silicon Valley, not Silicone Valley.
nineteen seventy-two I think (check this!) that it should be written 1972
similarly, nineteen sixties – 1960s (Note: NOT 1960’s)
‘… the who idea …’ should be ‘… the whole idea…’
OK, I've read two chapters and will read on.



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I'm not a great fan of literary fiction, but read all of this with enjoyment. I do believe, however, that the story jumps around a lot, and many characters are introduced rather rapidly. If I found it at the library I think I would take it home to savour at my leisure. Aimee is a complex and intriguing character and I hope to read more of her story. Well done. view book

I've read two chapters of this, greatly enjoyed it and sent a message as well. Good story. view book

I'm sending this as a comment so you might receive an email. I read all you've posted and would really like the read the rest. I found it on youwriteon.com but it's not available. If you get an email, please send me a message to let me know if and how I can get the full ms of this.
Bests,
Spilota view book

Given that vampire books are not among my favourite genres, I am really enjoying this one a lot. The narrator's voice is clear and not without humour, while the assorted characters are well done. I honestly don't think there's anything I can say that hasn't already been said, and am chortling and gasping my way through all that's here. view book

Enjoying this for the black humour. view book

I saw mention of this elsewhere on the site and came to have a look. It is delightful. Esther's tone is abrasive yet tender, and Kelly will, I am sure, develop during the course of the story. She's not immediately likeable. Maybe withdrawn would be more accurate. There's also the question of the money she inherited. And there's a cat! Wonderful. I do so hope you will post more of this. It's one I am sure I would love to read in its entirety. No complaints or nitpicks re grammar and spelling. view book

Well, David, it looks like you uploaded this story and then left the site, several years back. That's a shame. I've just read it all the way through and it was very clever. Slightly creepy too. My only whinge (and it's not to do with the writing) is that you made Agnes 'fat'. imo, not necessary, as it rather stereotyped her as a lonely overweight drab, which she was not. Excellent story, anyway. Well done. view book

Matthew, this is a CLAW review. It's also all IMO and what you do with it is up to you. Feel free to ignore me; I don't get offended easily.
There were few grammatical glitches etc to leap out at this reader. It's an easy read, of the cosy crime genre, and promising some interesting characters and twists in the tale.
BUT .... I am wondering if it might work better by starting with the murder, and then weaving the information we have been given in early chapters into the back ground? A chapter of exposition, although it suits the style, may deter readers who want to 'get to the action' more quickly.
I will keep this on my WL and read more; this is a genre I enjoy and a book I anticipate enjoying. view book

I read the beginning chapters of this last night and although it's really not my favoured genre, I really enjoyed it. Also sending you a message with more detail. view book

Heh, this is VERY ocker style humour and probably won't appeal to everyone. In real life, such goings-on at a mine site would be appalling; in fiction they are hilarious.
I hope there will be more of this. view book

Heh, having lived in a small Australian town myself, I can relate to all this. I've read the three chapters and hope you will upload more. Not Great Literature, but lots of fun and very entangled relationships. Of all the characters, I think my favourites are Mack and Gina. view book

I read a couple of these last night and chuckled. This was good fun. view book

Well done! I so enjoyed this and am delighted it's being properly published. Highly recommended reading. view book

I so very much enjoyed Orphan of Greenwich Village and am looking forward to reading more about George. view book

I have finished reading this all the way through and thoroughly enjoyed it. Some typos and grammatical glitches to be fixed, but the story and characters held my interest. Well done. view book

Just finished reading the Kindle version of this and it was excellent all the way through. Congratulations on the win! view book

Yep, I've liked what Ive read and have sent you a message with more detailed observations. view book

After reading what you've posted, I think I would take this home from the library. At the same time, I felt in places there was too much description. I also feel your LP presents too many characters at once, without the connections between them. Nice to see a paranormal crime book set in Australia. view book