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Groaner

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first registered 25.01.10

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about me

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I live in St. Petersburg, Florida. I love it here. There are dolphins in the bay and parrots in the palm trees. There are miles of beautiful gulf beaches teaming with luscious young snow bunnies, and cool, dark bars where you can guzzle margarita's while hiding from the mid-day sun.
I write, read, eat, drink and sleep... and kick George (ill-tempered mutt) for crapping in the house. The four wives have all run off somewhere, so I don't have to take out the garbage till I'm good and ready, and the kids find me boring and stay away - till they need something.
I'm quite happy.

STREET SMART DATING MADE THE DESK
Big, big thanks to everyone who helped get Street Smart Dating on The Desk this month (July 2011). So immensely grateful.
Incidentally, the name will be changed to 'Sneaky Tricks. A dubious guide to dating and meeting people." Buy it on Amazon at: http://tinyurl.com/7dt6kjc



BRAMWELL VALLEY MADE THE DESK
Bramwell Valley (The Absence of Harry), which so many of you helped to get to The Desk in January, 2010, found a publisher; however, the 2 year contract is now up and I did not renew it. I've published it myself to amazon in both paper and ebook. Many thanks to the community for all your help with it.

email: johnniemccoy (at) hotmail (dot) com

favourite books

The Naked Ape - Desmond Morris
The Human Zoo - Desmond Morris
The Wellspring of Life - Isaac Asimov
The Genetic Code - Isaac Asimov
Is Anyone There - Isaac Asimov
The Source - James Michener
Goodbye Lucifer - Me (haha)

my websites

http://www.askunclejohn.com     http://www.johnniemccoy.com

HarperCollins is not responsible for the content of external internet sites.

my books

STREET SMART DATING

John Harold McCoy

Learn the tricky secrets on how you can be playing doctor in a dingy motel, pronto.


Ok... you're 5 feet tall, weigh three hundred and ninety pounds, have a flat head, a hunchback, and your dog won't play with you unless you've got food. Is there any hope? Damned straight there is. Just take Uncle John's advice and you'll be breathing heavy in the back seat of a late model crew-cab pickup truck in no time.

Street Smart Dating started out as a silly thrown together website—a spoof on the usual oh-so-correct 'dating/meeting people' advice thing. The URL was askunclejohn.com, and though I did include some common sense advice to bulk it out a bit, the only intent was humor.
Oddly enough, I began getting emails, quite a few of them, asking for advice on dating and meeting people. It occurred to me that a not-so-gentle, slap in the face, wake up and smell the roses—and so on—type of book, with an emphasis on humor, may just do well. Unfortunately, being over-the-hill politically incorrect, and as HC says, 'gender biased, it probably won't... haha.

 

The By Everybody Book

by Everybody

A hodgepodge of stuff donated by Authonomites just for fun.


By the following authors... UNEDITED

Lovsikpuppy, Antonia Marlowe, S.C. Thompson, Eloravelle, Vicky Clasby,
Dadoo, John Booth, Versi-Artiste, Ariom Dahl, Helianthus, Splinker,
MIRO1K, Groaner, RAS, Stopper, Hyperion, John Harold McCoy,
Brittany Engstrand, Sylvania, Textual Ribbons, Patrick Whittaker.
Emma Parker, Layla Harding, Mark R. Faulkner, Ian Walkley,
Daisy Fitz, L_MC, Cariad, RobRow, Jake Barton, apostlepaul,
Lorraine Holloway-White, Scratch, TRM, Tom B, Katina Grist Jones,
Sue Edwards(LittleDevil), Whoster, Jeffrey Panzer

And in the (conglomerate) “The Story By Everybody”:

Rachel V, Cariad, DDickson, WiSpY, Patrick Whittaker, Pat Black,
spd6of14, PCreturned, Jenny-B, Zan, Tom B, Aidan2002, Burbage,
tree of life, Patientman, Inkfinger, Brittany Engstrand

(let me know if I left you out)

Message me if you want to add your story. There's plenty of room left. It doesn't have to be great. It's just for fun. Comments are nice, but please don't back the book. Save your shelf space for those who are seriously striving for the Editor's Review.

 

How To Meet Women In Bars

John Harold McCoy

A revolutionary (yes, revolutionary) new technique for meeting women in bars. Guaranteed or your money back (*see limitations).


Grab a shower and a shave, slick back your hair, throw on your cool duds, jump in the car and head for the nearest watering hole. You'll never go home alone, again.


*Limitations
(no way in hell you're getting your money back)

P.S,
It's a bar joke book. Looks pretty dumb without the illustrations. The last chapters are for word count only—not in the printed book. Don't use your shelf space for it. It ain't goin' nowhere. It's just for fun :)

 

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leave me a message

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latest

Spilota wrote 13 days ago

G'day, John! Yes, we Aussies really DO say that (sometimes!) Just ....

Augustineisme wrote 19 days ago

Hey, thank you so much for the help! You were right and I finally go....

Marita A. Hansen wrote 19 days ago

Yes, thanks :)

Brian G Chambers wrote 20 days ago

Hi John I am currently sitting at no 20 and need a shove towards the....

Steve Hawgood wrote 22 days ago

http://authonomy.com/forums/threads/111809/upgrade-time/

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my comments

latest

I wrote 47 days ago

Only read 10 chapters and skimmed a few more later ones, but I really enjoyed them. I would put one or two of the later chapters before chapter two just to get into the feel first. Just my opinion, of course. Giving it some stars and will back it later. Best of luck to you (and no, I don't need any ... view book

I wrote 51 days ago

I copied your first chapter, put it in Notepad to strip it of formatting, pasted it into Word, and read it again—looks a whole lot different and reads much, much better. One thing, and probably just me, but seeing something like "Omni Herikínädū Mōkshá" right off the bat puts me off a bit. There's ... view book

I wrote 104 days ago

How do I comment on this? I don't know. It is far out of genres I would ordinarily read, and I only read it because the author asked if I would. Usually, I politely ignore those requests, but not always. I'm glad I accepted this one. I can't comment on the quality of the writing because, as I said,... view book

I wrote 295 days ago

I look at chick-lit, christian, YA, and usually think it doesn't look right. Then stop myself to admit that I have no idea what it's suppose to look like cause I never read it. So, when I do read one here I confine my comment to "do I know what's going on? ...did I stumble over sentences?... did thi... view book

I wrote 307 days ago

I've read the first chapter. I just intended to scan it (saw you on the forum), but got interested so I read it. Cool. I like it. Simple style, easy to read. Coupla suggestions, but they're things 'I' would do, not necessarily things 'you' should do. I would replace the word 'ethereal' with somethin... view book

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