arlene.k recent comments

written 892 days ago
cherry

I've only read the first four chapters so far and it seems you have me hooked! From the dark and ominous prison to the colorful Heartwell Place I find myself intrigued with the world you've created. Iris is not as fleshed out as I would normally like in the first part of a story, but it hasn't stopped me from wanting to read more. Preebot is intense - great chapter and overall, I look forward to reading more.

Starred and soon to be backed,
Arlene
The Treasure Kings view book

written 911 days ago
cherry

Laura, your book is a breath of fresh air to read! I love Blanca's character and you've captured the voices of the others so well. I don't usually read past the fifth chapter because it gives me a reason to buy the books when they get published.

I can't wait to buy this one :)

Arlene view book

written 911 days ago
cherry

Laura, your book is a breath of fresh air to read! I love Blanca's character and you've captured the voices of the others so well. I don't usually read past the fifth chapter because it gives me a reason to buy the books when they get published.

I can't wait to buy this one :)

Arlene view book

written 911 days ago
cherry

You have an interesting story line that weaves love, magic and evil together. When I read of Deshay, I get caught up in her world, she is thick with believability and one of the strongest characters in your novel.

Matthew and Alex were in love once a long time ago and find each other again. It would help to develop their relationship by somehow allowing the reader to eavesdrop on their initial relationship. To see the moment they find each other and to feel their happiness and love would give their reunion more emotion and connect the reader to their love.

The setting for this story is very well described throughout all the chapters. But I found it distracting in places, for instance, in chapter 6 when Matthew and Alex finally meet again. I can't wait to hear what they have to say to each other. I can't wait to feel the excitement they must be feeling about the encounter. I could really care less about the housekeeping habits of Matthew at this time.

Some of your sentences seem a bit long-winded: Whenever Grandfather told the story, someone who hadn't heard it before, a visiting cousin or neighbourhood child, often asked...

Then grandfather becomes grandpa in the next paragraph.

I suggest taking a look at some of your longer sentences, reading them aloud, and finding a way to tighten the descriptives so they do not interfere with the flow of the story. Keep in mind, not every, single detail needs to be described in every scene because you've already set the stage with the era, the village setting, etc.

This is only my two cents. I've read up to chapter 10 and I think you have a great story line with interesting characters who will keep me reading until I've read the last page.

Arlene



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written 921 days ago
cherry

Remarkable writing! I'm hooked and I've broken my own rule by reading over half of your work, instead of just the first five chapters. I look forward to reading more of your work. Congratulations on your future success - you are going to be a star.

Arlene view book

written 921 days ago
cherry

You have a winner here! Your writing style is perfect for catching the imaginations of both the reader and and listener of your stories. With a great illustrator to capture the essence of your writing, this will be a marvelous story book!

Well done :)

Arlene view book

written 939 days ago
cherry

Hello Josh!

I've been staying away trying to get my own writing projects done, but I've finally taken the time to read your w-i-p.

Once again, you've got me waiting for the complete works to come out in published form - congrats.

However, I'm feeling you would rather get some feedback that you can use to better your book? Well, here goes:

By Chapter four you have established an amazing group of characters that are real, and alive. Alice is in dire straits at this point and is literally running for her life. She's been in a vehicle accident, she has a piece of glass wedged in her right hand, and she has sprinted into unknown territory which has resulted in a sprained ankle. At this point in the story I can feel the piece of glass in her hand. It must be throbbing and possibly bleeding?

So I find it hard to see her digging in the dirt without feeling this pain? And jumping down into a rather large hidden room on a sprained ankle? I can see her wincing in pain or agony and holding her swollen ankle.

I would think that she would scrounge for maybe a first aid kit to tend to her wounds... yet you have her scrounging for food instead.

All seven chapters have an excellent pace, easy to read format, and your grammar and sentence structure is immaculate - to be expected from you considering your profession :):):)

You are a great writer, and an awesome storyteller. Once again I am a fan! Take care, Josh!

Arlene view book

written 948 days ago
cherry

There are so many unique aspects to your writing style, your storyline, and your characters that I could not stop reading. Originality will put you at the top - looking forward to seeing your novel published so I can finish reading it!
Arlene view book

written 953 days ago
cherry

Hello BobbiRaye,

Thank you for your words of wisdom and your support - it means a lot and I intend to take you up on your offer to submit to resilientpublishing.com. I will complete my edit, and then reformat as you requested. I'm very excited to move forward with my novel!

Arlene view book

written 965 days ago
cherry

Hello Rebecca,

This is well written for an audience of varied ages. You have clearly defined the voices of your characters to give them depth and individuality which makes it easier to identify and relate to them. I've only just finished the first three chapters and I'm looking forward to reading more.

Arlene view book

written 983 days ago
cherry

Dr. Ajay:

You have managed to bring a different perspective to religion that is refreshing and unbiased. This is exactly the kind of novel I would love to share with my children. It nurtures honest discussion and allows for thoughtful contemplation of a concept all humans seek answers to.

Thank you, good luck and tomorrow you will be on my shelf. (My apologies, but I just changed it today.) view book

written 983 days ago
cherry

Dr. Ajay:

You have managed to bring a different perspective to religion that is refreshing and unbiased. This is exactly the kind of novel I would love to share with my children. It nurtures honest discussion and allows for thoughtful contemplation of a concept all humans seek answers to.

Thank you, good luck and tomorrow you will be on my shelf. (My apologies, but I just changed it today.) view book

written 993 days ago
cherry

My interest in where this story is leading has been awakened by your easy to read style of writing. Eliza has a definitive voice that will appeal to a readership of all ages and you can't help but cheer her on as she struggles with her emotions.

I wixh you success with this novel and look forward to reading more of your intriguing tale. view book

written 994 days ago
cherry

You have certainly got an interesting story line here and you've captured my attention, which is not an easy feat. I can't wait to read past your first chapter, but I'm scheduled to go to work in 20 minutes, dang it.

I will post a better comment once I get through the next 4 chapters, and I have a feeling I'll be putting you on my bookshelf! view book

written 994 days ago
cherry

You have certainly got an interesting story line here and you've captured my attention, which is not an easy feat. I can't wait to read past your first chapter, but I'm scheduled to go to work in 20 minutes, dang it.

I will post a better comment once I get through the next 4 chapters, and I have a feeling I'll be putting you on my bookshelf! view book

written 1022 days ago
cherry

Well done! Your writing skills are very apparent and I got lost in your characters' lives very quickly. I'm not a fan of most chick-lit because it seems to tell the same story over and over... however yours is unique and I'm looking forward to seeing it in print someday. I never read more than 5 to 8 chapters of a novel on authonomy because if it's good enough to read to the end, I should respect the author enough to buy a copy once published.

I'll be keeping an eye out for Inevitable! view book

written 1022 days ago
cherry

Well done! Your writing skills are very apparent and I got lost in your characters' lives very quickly. I'm not a fan of most chick-lit because it seems to tell the same story over and over... however yours is unique and I'm looking forward to seeing it in print someday. I never read more than 5 to 8 chapters of a novel on authonomy because if it's good enough to read to the end, I should respect the author enough to buy a copy once published.

I'll be keeping an eye out for Inevitable! view book

written 1028 days ago
cherry

It's 2 a.m. and I'm supposed to be sleeping because I have to take my son out driving first thing in the morning so he can finally get his driver's license.

I hope he doesn't get into an accident because I'm going to be very tired in the morning after staying up all night reading your witty, well written and absolutely refreshing story.

Thanks a lot for being such a great writer. *sigh* better make another pot of coffee... view book

written 1029 days ago
cherry

Well done! You have a talent of capturing the true voice of your character and bringing her to life. The reader instantly feels a connection to her and that's the hook that gets young people to read!

Arlene view book

written 1030 days ago
cherry

Dear John,

It is with a heavy heart that I must write to you to tell you how I really feel.

Kidding. I've never written a "Dear John" letter before and I just couldn't help myself...

This is a great read and I look forward to purchasing a copy once published.

Love Always,

Arlene view book

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