jeffbilman recent comments

written 615 days ago
cherry

CHIRG Review

Hi Sara,
This is really enjoyable and well written. I like Wendy and Finger Bones a lot. I love the names of all the characters in town and it has a gentle humour going for it. The two friends are a great foil for Wendy and the story pulls you along, wanting to find out what's going on. Well done and high stars from me.
Jeff view book

written 615 days ago
cherry

CHIRG Review

Hi Sara,
This is really enjoyable and well written. I like Wendy and Finger Bones a lot. I love the names of all the characters in town and it has a gentle humour going for it. The two friends are a great foil for Wendy and the story pulls you along, wanting to find out what's going on. Well done and high stars from me.
Jeff view book

written 641 days ago
cherry

CHIRG Review

Hi Mike,
This is a nice story (though I probably should be reading it in a few months time). I've read the first 3 chapters and skimmed the next 3 or so. The sentence length, words, etc all seem appropriate for the age - it's easy for a writer to forget that they're writing for a younger audience with a lesser vocabulary. So I think subject and writing is pitched well.

I felt, given the premise, I could have enjoyed it more. I tried to figure it out - maybe too much description and not enough dialogue for my liking?? I don't know. I find dialogue quickens the pacing and there's also more white space which makes it easier to read. Whilst I only skimmed the next three, I did feel my interest in the story heightened.

Anyway, I noticed in your bio (great photo btw) you mentioned issues with the title. Any advances on that? Also, have you done any revisions on the story? It brings about a point a friend of mine raised, today in fact, regarding his own book. If you publish an ebook and then later revise, what then? Is it just a 2nd edition?

I'm sure to come back to your book. I'll start reading it to my kids - that's the true gauge!

Jeff view book

written 654 days ago
cherry

D.J.
Really enjoyed what I've read so far. Well written and funny - and long - is it really 220K words or is Authonomy doing something weird? Anyway, I'll definitely keep coming back to read this. Gucci and Chanel - love it. I once looked after a couple kids called Steele and Blade.
Jeff
Super Ninja Alien Robot Monsters view book

written 663 days ago
cherry

Just finished Chap 4 and really enjoying it so far. I view book

written 666 days ago
cherry

Very cute, Toppy. I must say, I am very impressed that you were able to type this story with your paws. I did notice in Chapter 3 there were some typo's, but I can excuse them as they were very minor - and you are a canine after all - albeit a very intelligent one. It's a shame your illustrations can't be seen in the authonomy format. This would make a fun e-book or interactive on-line book.
Jeff view book

written 666 days ago
cherry

Hi Sharda

This is wonderful. Three chapters in - a book I'd be happy to have my 8.5 year old son read, and one I'd gladly read myself. It's so rich and has so much depth, and captures the era and the feel of the circus. Another reason to convince my wife we need to get an iPad or some such (even better if it gets published in hardcopy). I know it doesn't need to be backed since it should make it to the desk this month, but I have to on principle.

Jeff
http://www.authonomy.com/books/44674/super-ninja-alien-robot-monsters/ view book

written 670 days ago
cherry

Hi Kate,
First five chapters read. Nice story so far for 7-9 year olds. Words seem to be about the right level for this age and 11,000 words is good too. I noticed the odd missing comma here and there when characters are speaking.

I think some of the sentences are too long. I read somewhere no more than 20 words, but preferably closer to 10 for this age. I don't know how strict these things need to be, but I think there are definitely places where you can use a full stop in place of a comma. A couple sentences had a lot of commas which makes it a bit harder for a child to read it fluently.

In Chapter 5 where they were heading for the City of Shadows and talking, you wrote:
"A while later..."
I think something like this line is a good opportunity to take a bland line and make it far more interesting/exciting. eg. (just off the top of my head) "They looked to the horizon and saw before them the City of Shadows".
Obviously both of us could do better than that with some more thought, but it's still more interesting than "a while later".

I'm going to keep reading so I can find out the ending!

Take care
Jeff view book

written 672 days ago
cherry

CHIRG Review,

Very enjoyable Benedict. I've read the first two chapters. This is a book I would happily have my son read, and also read myself - so it passes both my tests for buying a book. As such it's going on to my book shelf. The only thing I didn't like (or at least felt was unnecessary) was the line in the second chapter, "Oh sorry, I already did that joke." Then again one of your recent reviewers liked it - so there you go. But I didn't think it added anything and there were so many more humorous lines/situations peppered throughout.

Bart the Great (The Great Bart) would have been a lot of fun to write.

Good luck with it, though I'd expect luck shouldn't have too much to do with it.

Jeff
Super Ninja Alien Robot Monsters view book

written 676 days ago
cherry

CHIRG Review

Hi Debbie,
I've read up to Chapter 6 so far and thought I'd check in.

I love the idea and admit I (and probably others) would actually like to hook up something like a bike to create my own energy. So you have an instant connection with many adults I'm sure.

I find it light-heartedly funny, quaintly English (at least for someone that's not English - I suppose charming is a better word), and I think equally enjoyed by boys and girls.

Some of the sentences I thought were overly long. Obviously I haven't read the whole story yet, but I don't think it would hurt to do an edit purely for tightening of the language. There’s a book I read by William Zinsser called “On writing well”. It’s pitched for non-fiction but is still relevant – good for being succinct and clear. It’s been around for 30 years so bound to be in countless libraries - worth a look if you can find it and it's enjoyable considering its subject matter.

Chap 6 – second para “they one” should be “the one”. Also, this sentence is too long.
5th para – “Grandpa has given him” should be “Grandpa had”

Anyway, I'll keep reading. Very enjoyable so far!

Jeff view book

written 676 days ago
cherry

CHIRG Review

Hi Debbie,
I've read up to Chapter 6 so far and thought I'd check in.

I love the idea and admit I (and probably others) would actually like to hook up something like a bike to create my own energy. So you have an instant connection with many adults I'm sure.

I find it light-heartedly funny, quaintly English (at least for someone that's not English - I suppose charming is a better word), and I think equally enjoyed by boys and girls.

Some of the sentences I thought were overly long. Obviously I haven't read the whole story yet, but I don't think it would hurt to do an edit purely for tightening of the language. There’s a book I read by William Zinsser called “On writing well”. It’s pitched for non-fiction but is still relevant – good for being succinct and clear. It’s been around for 30 years so bound to be in countless libraries - worth a look if you can find it and it's enjoyable considering its subject matter.

Chap 6 – second para “they one” should be “the one”. Also, this sentence is too long.
5th para – “Grandpa has given him” should be “Grandpa had”

Anyway, I'll keep reading. Very enjoyable so far!

Jeff view book

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