Shaun, you are right, I do tend to tell rather than show. That is something I am working on changing in my second draft. Also, I liked the points you made about how I phrased the banishing bit and the close of the chapter. However, the story isn't actually about Cinderella...this first section is just a prologue to help set the tone of the rest of the story...so I'm not sure if your feelings about it would change if you read the rest of the story. I appreciate you reading this and your feedback :).