558 days ago
A big thank you to all the people who commented on my books - Long Lying Below and Zitheron. I have saved all your comments and will use them when I edit.Lack of time has hit me once again, so for the time being I will only be on the site as a reader.I wish you all the best of luck with your writing.
My faves change from time to time. Current ones are:The Tale of Murasaki by Liza DalbyDigging up the Dead by Druin BurchPoem for the Day One Nicholas Albery ed.
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Your pitch is intriguing and you start really dramatically.
But in my opinion you need to do some more editing. For instance you repeat 'horror' too close together near the beginning. I also think you have more adjectives than needed - 'harrowing cries', 'arduous journey' etc.
I also think you...
Your pitch is excellent and the basic idea is original. Not sure about the start of the book giving so much space to unreal experiences. I personally don't like dreams, hallucinations etc as a main part of a story and you give us one before we've even met the main character. I think you could shorte...
An excellent pitch and a good start. Shelved. I hope to read more later.
I love the air of mystery at the start of this book. Your descriptions are really strong - I am almost in the scene.
Not so keen on the beginning para (in italics). Is this part of the story or is it a note for authonomists?
I wish you luck with it.
I I read stories 10 and 11 and enjoyed both. Easy to read and full of interesting ideas.
In 10 I think the first para needs breaking after the description of the day and before the introduction of the door. I think you could do with a little more (I mean a little, just a sentence or so) build up ...