307 days ago
The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy series
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Calling For Help,
Permit me to inform you of my desire of going in....
Hi love I saw your profile today and lov....
Nice to meeting you here! I am Alice! I am new here and I really want....
my name is MISS Kiama, I am a beautiful young girl with a lov....
nice to meet you
how are you?, I'm Glory Adams, a girl, and I....
Cracking narrative, really film noir with added sass. I like the in-your-face attitude and the sarcastic jokes. It hooks my attention and gives me confidence in your ability to tell a story.
Spooky and exciting! And some of the most polished writing I've seen on the site, too. It feels so professional - the dialogue is natural and the narrative eye popping. This is a very accomplished piece of writing.
Always a sucker for true life accomplishment and change. Although religeous and scientific belief may differ across the globe, there's no denying the hope that people can glean from having faith.
I liked the style of this, a kind of dont-care attitude, just speaking how he feels. It makes the reader feel one with the narrator. One thing I did spot instantly and was very hard to ignore was the rhythm of the sentences. They are all the same. Try varying it up a bit, have short ones long ones, ...
I thought you used some good bits of language here to create something a bit different from the norm. You achieve a positive energy with this book without it feeling melodramatic, and I like that. Try to watch out for overuse of exclamation marks, they are a bit frowned upon outside of dialogue.