inzie recent comments

written 1510 days ago
cherry

How funny? Bless you - a whole book with such sound advice. Fanny Batter is my guru, my guide through an otherwise puzzling life.

backed with a smile on my face

good luck with it. Sorry, what exactly is fanny batter...? Good Lord, that's disgusting...the elders at the church were traumatised.

cheers

chris view book

written 1511 days ago
cherry

congratulations and good luck

chris view book

written 1511 days ago
cherry

i'm with Jared here - your writing flows beautifully through your faultless dialogue. I'm a big fan of good dialogue - so much that is written lacks authenticity. Yours doesn't. Nice spiel at the start - and effortlessly imaginative - lovely stuff.

Baked (like I needed to tell you)

cheers and good luck with this

Chris view book

written 1517 days ago
cherry

Ray - this is lovely - the characterisations are exquisite - immediately you had me thinking 'Is he paranoid?' - then 'Well he takes diazepam...' I love the way he catches onto little nuances and how they grow i his mind. I will read all of this and get back to you again when I have - but please know this - your literary talent shines here.

all the best for now

chris view book

written 1517 days ago
cherry

Ok, I'm a discerning reader - I don't spend my time reading shit - so, I find this - after a gentle prod - Dan, you know you're not just a good writer - you're a great writer - why aren't you published? I've only read the first few chapters and I'm hooked. It's professional - it has real characters that you could pull off the page and go for a beer with - watch out for the guy with the Rubiks though, he's gonna be tricky. I don't have the time to devour it all now - shelved for a less busy time - thanks for this.

Chris view book

written 1518 days ago
cherry

Alan - looks like I came in at the right time - the idea behind the story is great - I'm sorry I don't have the time to read the whole lot just now - ordinarily this isn't my kind of book - but the streamlining must have worked!! Your spiel drew me in - your cover is lovely and your writing didn't disappoint - one thing that stood out for me is that the chief is clearly a very proud man - but you didn't batter us over the head with that - nice.

Cheers

Chris (Pilots - don't feel obliged) view book

written 1518 days ago
cherry

This is so good - I need to give it the time and attention it deserves. Your writing is sumptuous. The premise, the backdrop and your spiel are all delicious.

You deserve success with this. Shelved.

Cheers

Chris view book

written 1518 days ago
cherry

This is stunning - the best thing I've read on this site so far - and I think the talent here is generally very good. Back to your work though...you portray the coma so well...so well - the helplessness of those around him. The simple words of his father 'He's so small,' he says.'I never noticed before.' - followed by that stunning - stunning (am I repeating myself?) paragraph.

This is liquid gold.

If you don't manage to sell this there is something very wrong in the world.

I quite liked it

cheers

Chris view book

written 1518 days ago
cherry

This had a lovely dreamlike feel to it - your writing is flawless too. That said, I didn't get the sense of urgency and perhaps terror that one might experience when being accosted by thugs to do a spying job for them - perhaps you were keen to keep that dreamlike state going?

Anyway - it felt original - even if you are borrowing from Lewis Carrol and Sue Townsend - you've mixed three things together here nicely - and you do write terribly well.

Good luck with it. Shelved!

Chris view book

written 1519 days ago
cherry

This is a lovely example of showing and not telling a story - you give us a lovely vista of this young boy's life. A real page turner - I found it easy to get embroiled in this.

Watch out for punctuation e.g. - "I have a strange feeling those boy's..." in chapter 1; missing " at the end of "...I'll still be able to save up enough to come down and visit...

These are minor niggles - your speech is authentic and you use it to great effect.

Happy to back it.

Cheers

Chris view book

written 1519 days ago
cherry

Jared - I looked at your photo and you seem such a nice boy - where did this dark material come from? Beautifully written - authentic - just plain nasty. Will read more - and comment later.

Shelved

Chris view book

written 1519 days ago
cherry

Authentic speech - that's the trick! Nice, I was immediately drawn in - great pace - great and believable characters - thanks for this.

Chris view book

written 1520 days ago
cherry

Did i read somewhere that english isn't your first language. That is rather irritating - you come here with your fancy ways and you write an exciting, believable, vivid....need i go on? This is great - consider yourself backed.

Chris view book

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