I read the prologue and to be frank, I found it hard to follow and I am an adult. It is well written and has plenty of interesting descriptions however I was concerned about the level so I asked one of my teenage sons to read some. He was confused and quickly found an excuse to stop. Chapter one is ... view book

I have read that editors don’t like it when you start with narrative. Since this is just a thought expressed out loud you could rephrase it if you wanted. The first paragraph of a book is one of the most important and you have two starting with ‘It was’. I know you are doing this to emphasize it how... view book

I was a little confused in the middle of the prologue since I got the impression that Eve could teleport but later on there is no mention. The prologue is almost a story in itself. You say she was no human and looked different but I was not able to visualize her since there is no real description of... view book

Chapter 6 Turbulent Times I must be very bad, I laughed at the demise of the budgie. Layla’s reason for choosing Toby made me not like her. I think calling Joseph the ‘step father’ is a little OTT. ‘Clippity-Clop Riding academy. ’- not really funny in my opinion I grinned when I read Nigel’s ‘Ye... view book

Chapter 1 This is an interesting read but I do feel you need to go through and fix the grammatical nits as soon as possible. I read several chapters and you can see it has potential so I will back it. Some examples which I hope will help. “…for that matter?” She asked. – she asked. Para start... view book