Chris, a good YA read, although not my preferred genre, I do love your easy natural writing style, and the rather unique premise which I happen to enjoy. I must admit though, I tend to agree with other comments, that the first chapter could be broken up for easier reading and a faster pace. Still a very good start and I know with some editing and tightening it will soon find its target audience.

Linda
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Read this before. I liked it then and like it now, a good premise. Can't quite remember the old title but hazily remember the cover. Believe it was one of the first books I backed when I came on the site.

Linda
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A very good, true-to-life story but I must admit though I did tend to get a bit bogged down in some of the back story. One of the main critiques of my writing is I have a tendency to tell instead of show. I found this to be similar for some of your narratives, particularly in ch 7. Still, I love the sincere nature of your writing style. You have a gift for real-life story telling, making it real, which is something not easily accomplished.

Well done, highly stared.
Linda view book

Kate, my promised read, finally: As YA is not my preferred genre and first person is not my favoured style I probably am not the most suited to comment. However, you do tell a lovely tale with your description, and I found the pace to be perfect.

Personally, I am just wondering if some of your paragraphs might be re-written so that the majority does not begin with 'I', counted twenty-three 'I' paragraph starts in the first chapter alone. As a reader, this is somewhat distracting and repetitive. Although a novice at fiction writing, in my professional writing, beginning any paragraph or sentence, with 'I' is frowned upon.

This will no doubt do well with the target genre as it is nicely written, character development is strong, and you have developed a unique style and voice most suited to the YA audience.

Linda
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This book has truly amazed me. Very engaging from a reader's perspective as your characters are developed and built early. You have created normal everyday characters in normal everyday situations we can all relate to.

I have only found time to read the first six chapters so far but remains on my WL to finish and comment in detail later. I just wanted to say, so far, well done.
Highly stared,
Linda
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Very powerful. There is nothing more frightening than a woman scorned, and you deliver the pure emotion of that flawlessly. I love how you have created such a dark tale from a little girl's fantasy classic. This is Cinderella all grown up now. Wow, I have been blown away by your raw emotion and the poetic style of your writing.

High Stars and will remain on my WL until I finish it.
Linda
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My promised read, finally:

Even though I am not a fan of vampires, I am a fan of well written poetic work, and yours is definitely that. I like the way your words have captured and painted vivid eerie descriptions of the swamp, moss, insects and how that draws the reader in for what follows. I do think a third-person POV would help as first person is hard to tackle in any genre except a biography. I agree with one other commenter who said it makes it difficult to empathize with your MC.
There are a few niggles with grammar and punctuation, but I am not the one on this site to comment on that so I will leave that to the experts. I feel they are minor, and will work out with future trimming and polishing.
I have rated this with high stars as I am certain those who love vampires will love the haunting poetic style you have created in this story.

Linda
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Nina, you have a great imagination and an easy flowing way of story telling. I have enjoyed reading what you have posted. Your characters are real enough, but I think a bit more back story is needed in the first chapters, as I found it difficult to relate to them, (could be just me though, as I am not a twenty something LA chicky type). In spite of this I must say, it was a fun read, and your imagery is very well done. You definitely have the ability to paint pictures with words. I just need a bit more depth to characters, thoughts, motivation, etc. to really pull me into a story. However, I am sure this will do very well with a twenty to thirty something target audience; so don't take this personally, I am just too old for night clubs and the LA scene.

High stars, and good luck with working on the pitch for your target audience.
Linda
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My promised read, finally.

I really could relate to this story as it reminded me of my own experiences many years ago leaving home. You really do have the knack or making the reader identify with Neeve. I love her character, and how you have grown her personality throughout the five chapters I have managed to read so far.

Although, I did find the conversation between her and Dominic in chapter 3 re the coffee a bit confusing. They are discussing morning, breakfast, the morning coffee crowd, etc., but then he says the 6pm crowd, I think you might mean the 6am crowd? I feel a few areas could do with you reading them out loud to make sure they flow the way they should but all in all, this is a very good story. I dislike Lauren; I have had so many supervisors like her over the years it is scary that people like her actually do exist. You have done well in establishing a most dislikable character early in the story line.

Anyway, I am very much enjoying this and will keep it on my WL until I have time to finish reading, high stars, well done.

Linda
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Although YA is not my usual genre, I did find this to be the most delightful read. Your style is very flowing and poetic. The pace is perfect not too rushed.

The banter between Winnie and Siren about the laundry was very natural and engaged me completely as a reader. At the end of chapter 2, I love how you vividly describe the beauty of the sunset as the mixture of two polar opposites - very well done.

High stars and placed on my WL for further reading.

Linda
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since you love romance and magic you might want to take a read. view book

Generally love historical fiction and ancient relics. However, I am not a fan of the war era captured in your story. I do feel it is well-written, although I think, a little more dialogue is needed in chapter two to help move the narrative story along. Your characters are strong, and I do love the premise. WW2 is just not my cup of tea...sorry.

Linda
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Not my usual read; I'm too much of a romantic. However, I do love your writing style and the intensity of this story. I do feel chapter 2 (authonomy) needs to be formatted and uploaded to match their chapters just to give the reader a bit of a break in the pace as it is very fast moving. Not a bad thing but very much of a roller-coaster ride. I think with some editing this book will do very well.

Linda
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I can't believe you are only in high school. Although a YA genre, which is not my usual choice, it is filled with such immense imagery, and obviously great attention has been paid to your character development and dialogue. It flows as if written by someone well beyond your years. A fun and most entertaining read.

Great work, high stars from me,
Linda
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Kristen, a great YA read, I love your simple flowing style. Not my usual genre but the pace and clarity of your story telling has me completely engaged as a reader.

Good work, high stars from me.

Linda
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Elvis, you are a masterful intellectual writer. The topic is a tricky one to tackle but the level you have elevated this work to, shows its potential to become a great piece of literary fiction. The meticulousness you have shown for detail says much about the extensive research you have done prior to writing. I am very impressed, as this is a rough work (in your words, not mine), I will keep coming back for reads.

Good work, high stars from me.

Linda
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I love your pitch. It drew me in, and your writing hasn't disappointed either. Although YA is not my usual genre, I am finding myself becoming very caught up in this world, it must be because of your easy natural writing style which I love, by the way. I know many YA's who would thoroughly enjoy this. It should do very well.

I don't change my bookshelf often but there is most certainly a spot on there for yours when I do, thank you for inviting me to read this truly enjoyable story.

High stars, good work!

Linda
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You have written a very beautiful and deeply poignant novel, one that broke my heart. I noticed you said in a comment that writing this has helped you heal and was the ultimate therapy. I hope you can find the strength to keep moving forward, and the years ahead of you are filled with much laughter and love.

Best of luck, I will keep you on my WL for an opening on my bookshelf. (I don’t change it often and tend to support books for a long-time)

Very powerful, high stars from me,

Linda
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Destiny, past lives, philosophy; all of the elements that intrigue me, a pleasure to read and to back.

I rated as six stars.
Linda
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Promised read:
I like your writing style and character development. I am great fan of historical fiction unfortunately I am afraid, this is not the era that captures me.

You are doing well in the ratings, and I am certain this will continue to rise.
Good luck,
Linda view book

My promised read:

Interestingly different, it is obvious you have put much of your own thoughts and emotions into this work.

Good luck with it,
Linda
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