Ooh errr, sir Richard. I apologize for the lack of contact lately, but the weather here in the colonies is positively beastly. I am currently experiencing the effects of what we call a nor'easter, which has kept us holed up in our abodes for days. This causes an Affliction known as "cabin fever", which on occasion leads to acts of unspeakable violence. I was contemplating the consequences of drowning myself in gallons of maple syrup, which as you may know, is a nectar made from the sap of large trees scattered about our colony.

I dispaired of surviving until spring thaw, when I discovered the dusty tome you sent me several years ago. It lay forgotten under some discarded beaver pelts, which I of necessity moved so as to cover my bed, since we are low on supplies and must ration our firewood.

It was a true delight on Such a day as this, to rediscover the Annals, and recover some of the warmth of those heady days. I remember fondly the goings on, the back and forth, the sheer inventiveness of the various characters who frequented your establishment. Revisiting those Halcyon days have surely saved me from a horrible though decidedly sweet fate.

I find myself renewed and envigoured, though somewhat chagrined by the excesses of our youth and the follies we inflicted on innocent bystanders.

Still, I would not change a word for all the world.

I hope this message finds you in good health Sir Richard, though god knows when the Royal Mail may deliver it. I have not seen a soul these past fourth days. The weather may break In a few months, at which point they may recover the pigeon to who's leg I have attached this note.

If ever again you contemplate re-opening the fine club, or perhaps starting a new venture, pray notify me. The success of this thread, as well as the joint musical we produced, convinces me that there is much talent still to be found on this site.

Regards etc.

Dadoo

Ps. Do send me news of my dear Alphonse, currently in the Tower menagerie. Is he happy? Is there any issue resulting from his joyous union with HRM's resident ... Umm... Corgis? view book

Well Graham, you've done it again.
You've gone and made me lose sleep while I've read everything you posted.
Bastard :-)

While the first few chapters were more graphic than what I was able to read of TGFK, you still managed to keep it from crossing the line into voyeurism. I was horrified by the plight of the girls and their escape, but at the same time glad to see that their spirit had not entirely been crushed.

I enjoy your writing as well Graham. A combination of short clipped sentences skillfully employed to move the action, and slower almost lyrical passages with clever turns of phrase for those of us who appreciate such things ( and the opportunity it provides us to catch our breath). Many authors do one or the other well, but you do both without forcing or resorting to the dreaded 'purple prose'

This is a good follow up to TGFK, similar themes with new characters, but further developing the characters we grew to love in the first book.

I was reading this for pure enjoyment, so I didn't make up a long list of things I liked, or even a short list of things I didn't. If you would like me to take a closer look and offer some feedback offsite, just let me know. I doubt that I could help you improve it much, but I enjoyed it enough that I wouldn't mind taking another look.

Most of all, I'm glad I found a book to replace TGFK on my shelf. I'll be putting the butterfly there as soon as I can switch to my regular computer tomorrow. For some reason, my iPad doesn't let me back books.

At any rate Graham, best wishes with The Butterfly Effect.

Let me know if you decide to post more...

Bob view book

Well, I haven't said this very often in all the time I have been here on Authonomy...

But I have read every word you posted, in one sitting.

Truth be told, you caught me at a good time, I am stuck on my arse, recovering from an unfortunate encounter with a horse ( http://www.authonomy.com/forums/threads/99337/dadoo/ ) , so unusually I have the time to give this book proper consideration.

I do believe story is king, and you have a very good story here. Enough of a story, to keep me reading until the end. I do admit, I'm a bit of a sucker for "survival" type stories, and I like the way that your main character made potentially fatal mistakes on occasion. Obviously he couldn't think of everything, and those mistakes balance out his usual thoughtfulness.

Have you seen any of the tv series " life after people" the documentaries have a similar premis to your book, in that people suddenly and inexplicably disappear, then follows the consequences in the hours, days, months and years. Everything from feral dogs to nuclear meltdowns. The show is very meticulous in showing the consequences and timeline of what might be working or not after the people who maintain it suddenly disappear.

If you haven't seen it, I would suggest you watch it, only in that it is carefully researched, and may give you some more ideas on situations which might increase the tension in parts of your book.

This is not to say that your book isn't tense as is. Some people may prefer more action in some parts of the book, although I thought it was just fine.

I dearly hope you have spent many hours editing, and correcting the inevitable mistakes that creep In when quickly writing a novel.

If you have not, then you are a bastard and I hate you forever :-)

Not really of course, but while I was reading for pure enjoyment, I must say that very few actual errors jumped out at me. Here are my notes. I am offering them, not in a nitpicky critical way, but honestly to help you quickly fix a few things that drew me out of the story. They are not critically important, but they may be of some assistance. I always appreciate when an extra pair of eyes spots things I missed in my manuscript...

Chapter two, when your mc decides he needs to learn how to fly a helicopter...

  Rand had flown in small aircraft several times growing up in Montana. He had a doctor friend that used to call and invite his ( should probably be him ) to fly. He would let Rand take the controls and go through training maneuvers. This had piqued Rand’s interest in flying and though he couldn’t afford to get his license he had spent a lot

Chapter six, right after the mention of " miracle day"

    Rand slept in the hospital bed next to Elsie’s. She woke him up several times during the night for help getting into the wheelchair so she could go to the bathroom. Her color had vastly. (vastly what? Improved?)

Chapter seven, in the ikea lunchroom.

‘Because you’re saying things to give me an open door to get away from you ( for clarity, I would put a comma here, I had to re read this sentence a few times before I 'got' it ) like you will do something that will make me leave anyway. You think you did something to make him have an affair.’

Chapter nine, just before they leave on the black ops mission...

He looked (at?) her.


That's it. If you write that well on the fly, you have a brilliant future ahead of you ( and you are a bastard :-)

The best compliment I can give you is that I enjoyed the story very much. It took my mind off the pain for a whole afternoon, and for that I thank you. When you have more that you are willing to post, please let me know. I would gladly read more.

Bob




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This sure is a big pile of brown, man. Don't give up the day job. You're writing is that of a queer.

I was about to ritually disembowel myself after I read your impression of my book, when I realized that the second part of your comment put me up in the ranks with Oscar Wilde, Clive Barker, Plato, Chuck Pahlaniuk, Samuel R. Delaney, Marcel Proust, Virginia Wolfe...

Shucks Joey, thanks for the compliment. Here's a totally unqueer man hug for your vote of confidence...

MUAH...:-)
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Interesting, Interesting.

The dialogue is just the right mix of archaeic grammar and simple text, to give it an otherworldly feel without sounding forced or pompous. Not an easy feat to pull off.

This is the kind of writing I love to read. Characterisation, setting, and backstory deftly painted through strokes of action and dialogue. I find that talent to be a rarity in "Fantasy" writing, which generally tends to be too heavy with prologues, explications, and discription for my tastes.

You've left we with lots of questions too, which is perfect. I like it when an author assumes his readers are capable of conscious thought, and doesn't spoon feed everything.

I enjoyed this very much so far, which is good. I've been looking for a book to fill the empty spot on my shelf.

Thank you for sharing this with us.

Bob view book

I shall cherish this book until my dotage, whereupon I shall read it and cackle wildly whilst flinging poo at the orderlies.

What larks! view book

This is of a quality that I have rarely seen on Authonomy. Whereas many of our books are works in progress, I find this one to be highly polished and complete in most respects.

This is not my normal choice of subject matter, but the subtle characterization and style made it difficult for me to stop reading. Dangerous stuff, because I started reading this during my lunch break at work, and the next thing I knew...well...let's just say, I'm glad my boss didn't walk by.

I enjoy your style of writing. It's easy to get ham fisted when we wan't our readers to identify with, or dislike characters. You resist the urge of being gross, shmaltzy, or one dimensional, by allowing your characters to grow organically, revealing their insecurities and flaws through their actions and thoughts as the story progresses.

There is a gentle self depreciating humor through all of this, something unexpected in a novel that deals with such strong subject matter.

But what I really enjoyed was the dialogue.

The one thing that grated on me at first, was the perspective you used to write the story. I think it could be described as third person omniscient present tense. It's very difficult to pull off without sounding pretentious.
By the end of the first chapter, it was no linger an issue for me, I was enjoying the story.

If others have an unreasonable prejudice against that particular point of view (A subject that has been discussed to DEATH on the forums here :-), Then I hope they get over it and continue reading. I'm very glad I did.

Thank you for sharing this with us here on Authonomy. I tend to put books on my shelf and only remove them when they make the desk, or I find something I think is better.

Yours is there for the long haul.

Bob view book

Clever times 10.

It's rare that a book makes my sides and my brain hurt at the same time.

laughing and thinking, that's what satire is all about.

Thank you for treating your readers as if we have a fully functioning language center, and are capable of discerning the levels you have written into your story. No matter what people may say to you on this site, NEVER dumb it down!

This book is so up my alley, I'll be reading more this weekend, and will provide a more competent comment, as soon as my brain gets into weekend mode mode.



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I found myself nodding my head in agreement to much of this (with a silly smile pasted on my face)

I enjoyed the read very much. Your writing is smooth, and the dialog keeps it real.

I think you've tapped into a universal experience here. The whole, "I have no idea what I'm going to do with the rest of my life, so I'll do nothing for as long as I can get away with it" mentality. It's been 30 years since I had to deal with that, but my son is definitely going through the same struggle right now.

I think that is what makes it so appealing to me. The theme is universal, the MC is someone we can sympathize with, and the whole thing is written with wry, self-depreciating humor.

There's been too many angry, rebellious "slacker with an attitude" books. Thank you for writing something for the rest of us.

Bob (Who still thinks that a whole day with absolutely nothing on the agenda, is the best thing ever :-)


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This is an excellent book for younger teens, or even pre teens. The structure (Short chapters with a keep reading hook, brief paragraphs, dialog, short bursts of exposition) Fit very well with the intended audience.

And the story...what kid doesn't dream that their real life is far different than their boring day to day :-)

I've enjoyed the read Diane. This is most definitely a book I would have bought for my kids when they were at that age.

Heck, I enjoyed reading those books as much as my kids did, so I would have to nick this one when they were done with it.

Good read. Good fun. on my shelf with some stardust sprinkled ;-)

Bob view book

I've read the first two chapters, and found them to be very upbeat, positive, and well written (one very tiny typo in the first paragraph of Chapter two ... "If you new this was your last day..." should be "If you knew this was...")

I find myself agreeing with much of what you say here, although I generally don't read 'inspirational' books. I find that I'm enjoying life on my terms, so I don't seem to need more inspiration :-)

I liked the parable in Chapter one. Lack of communication, and making assumptions about people is probably one of the biggest dividers in society today. I see it all the time in the forums...:-)

I take on many of the same issues in my book, but I kind of come in through the back door with a bit of satire. in the world I imagined, Banking and religion had merged to control completely people's lives theologically and fiscally through holy eternal debt. There are heretics however, who are passionate about life and work to help people break free from the stifling control that the BANK has over them.

The whole book is a parable that will hopefully get people to take a serious look at how they are being manipulated by the people with more "things'

These are subjects I've thought long and hard about, which is probably why I enjoyed reading your book.

Thank you for sharing it with us.

Bob view book

Sorry for the Loooooong delay in getting to this Terry. Editing, preparing for submission, etc.

But I'm even sorrier because it's a damn fine Noire, and I've been missing it up to now.

The descriptions are seamless, the dialog between Jimmy and Eddie superb.

A wussy gumshoe who thinks he's tough cookies. Just the concept has me wanting more.

The writing clinches it. On to chapter two...:-) view book

Now THAT's how to use dialog.

Not my usual type of read, but I So know guys like Jamie. The speech patterns bring him and the other characters to life, revealing all we need to know about them without exposition.

Well done indeed.

My shelf is clogged right now, but I'm rating this book well above average. Dialog done right gets me every time:-) view book

"Fonz" and "Miriam of Webster" are copyrighted terms and the use of coprighted terms is generally frowned on by publishing companies as they have to obtain permission from the copyright holders to use them. They are NOT going to do that for a new writer. Using copyrighted terms is the mark of a newbie.

A compendium of terms belongs at the end of a book, not the beginning.

Thank you for your comments Jeff. I appreciate and have noted your concerns.

Fonz is a name, and I don't believe it is copyrighted. At any rate, in my book, it's short for Alphonse, not Fonzerelli :-) It's the only shortened form of Alphonse that I could find that wasn't common, (like Al, or Alphie)

Miriam Webster is a dictionary. A character named "Sister Miriam of Webster," is a parody. There is room in copyright "fair use" for parody, especially since the terms she explains are Latin. If I had quoted large portions of the Miriam Webster dictionary, and claimed it as my own work, then I would be infringing on copyright. Then again, I doubt that anyone would read or back my book if it were a dictionary rip-off :-)

As for the compendium being at the beginning, It is only there at all because some readers prefer to get a bit of the setting before being immersed in a story. I do mention in my comments that it can easily be skipped if you are the type of reader who prefers to start in the thick of a story and have things revealed as the story progresses (my personal preference)

When the book gets published, if it exists at all, the compendium will be at the end of the book, as you suggested.. Since I have not posted the entire novel on the site, it is at the beginning.

As you can see, I have given some thought to copyright law, and I believe I have a pretty good grasp of it's implications and limitations. As for writing like a newbie, well, that is an opinion, and you certainly have a right to yours.

Once again Jeff, Thank you for your comments and concerns,

Bob view book

This is very good.

It's hard to do first person right. You need an interesting character with honest reactions.

You do it right. I often see it used as a tool, a technique that the author choses for their own reasons. In your book, it is integral. I don't think the story could have been told as powerfully without it.

Your narrator really captures that sense of bewilderment that we all get on occasion, when at a crossroads and trying to understand how we got there in the first place. I like her observations, which interestingly, put me in the omniscient position looking at her remembering herself as the life of the bar, dancing and jumping between the others, when I know that she is really the wasted girl stumbling and bumping into people.

There are really two impressions in my mind, hers and the reality, and yet your writing makes them merge and mingle, the reader picking out the moments of clarity.

The first few chapters (all I have time for today, sadly) are polished beyond what I normally see in a new writer here. or maybe I was just so caught up in the reading that I didn't notice anything. Either way, I like the flow of your writing.

You'll find that some people here will want to give you advice on first person, perspective, etc. Some can be very opinionated. I just want to say, you don't have to listen to them. You obviously know what you're doing.

Best wishes with this book Mel. It will do well here.

Bob view book

Gerry, I've been active here almost a year now. Your book was one of the first I read and backed.

Your writing still astounds me.

Your book is back on my shelf where it belongs. I have a feeling it's going to stay there for a long while. Since I already backed you so long ago, It's probably a sterile gesture, but at least people may see it when they visit my profile.

I'm working my way through your book bit by bit. Every time I pick it up, you surprise me again.

I delight in being surprised. You know I'm buying this when it's published right?

Bob



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Geoff.

Hmmm..Making intelligent comments in the forums turns out to be a great way to introduce people to your writing :-)

I prefer lighter reading, but man alive, I like this. With practically no description (The description that was there was cleverly included in the flow of the story, without breaking the momentum) I feel that I could write a fairly good character sketch on Stanis, Nikki and Gregor.

All I need to know about the back story, came across loud and clear through the action and the interrogation.
In short, this is the king of writing I delight in. You treat your readers like they have a brain, and are capable of figuring things out for themselves, without a lot of superfluous explanation.

Well done Geoff. view book

I just gotta say, for the benefit of anyone who may be reading this thread, You have shattered my pre conceived notions about high fantasy:)

I've read and enjoyed LOTR and the Hobbit, as well as Conan the barbarian, Fafhrid and the Grey Mouser, etc etc. But I stopped reading fantasy when It became conventional to write great sweeping infodumps, prologues, Histories, ancient prophesies, and so on, before any kind of action could happen.

You have managed to write the kind of book that I enjoy. The kind that leaves me more questions with every answer, and assumes that I have the intelligence to fit things together for myself, without pages of explanation. In the Fantasy genre, that's practically unheard of:)

Horray! I'm reading Fantasy again.

Starting with your book:) view book

Nick;

This is clever and well polished. Your main character is jaded and hopeful at the same time, an interesting and believable combination. I read everything you have posted, even though it's a long weekend in my part of Canada, and I should be out at the beach :-)
I enjoyed the well written dialog, both internal and external. Again, it was believable and well polished.

I kept waiting for something weird to happen. I mean, weird beyond normal weird pizza delivery stuff, which I have to admit is weird enough to carry a novel. The prologue promised some interesting elements. Please post some more when you are ready.

This book is a rarity, both disturbing and light. The shifting balance between the two, makes for a very good read.

Thanks for sharing this with us Nick. view book

Nick;

This is clever and well polished. Your main character is jaded and hopeful at the same time, an interesting and believable combination. I read everything you have posted, even though it's a long weekend in my part of Canada. I enjoyed the sell written dialog, both internal and external. Again, it was believable and well polished.

I kept waiting for something weird to happen. I mean, weird beyond normal weird pizza delivery stuff, which I have to admit is weird enough to carry a novel. The prologue promised some interesting elements. Please post some more when you are ready.

This book is a rarity, both disturbing and light. The shifting balance between the two, makes for a very good read.

Thanks for sharing this with us Nick. view book