Oh, Joe, where did you get the capacity to make me (and probably several thousand others) laugh out loud one minute, and weep the next?

Your story has the gilded masks of Comedy and Tragedy all over it, yet we know it's not such make-believe. It's real and raw as the day is long. Your life - and lovely Madge's - is an open book. The funny thing is, I'm only up to about 5, but there are stories galore inside this one, and I think, hope, you'll write them all. The cats we know... and even now, the image of Thomas snatching that chop will live with me forever... (eyeing next-door's cat who's eyeing me, as I speak...from her chair...) But there's obviously a tale or ten from your beloved Mother's life - even with a few *enhancements* for milking in novel-form... John, for instance. And you know, she did pass away when she felt the time was right, take it from me. She knew, bless her.

Madge (and *Margreet* is such a beautiful name, too), must've had you at *Hello.* Apart from not liking cats... but of course, they'll be liking her, so, sorted... she's making me laugh in a kind of ping-pong of harmony with you.

As for the Chemicals... speaking only from a fag-ash point-of-view... I think you've made it scary enough, amid the humour, to act as a warning - which I believe will pass muster with the pc-thought police.

I love this, with more to read as it's late, and am starring it with a full-house 6. I'll also be backing it in a day or so. Your mother will smack my wrists from Above if I don't...xx

Wishing you and Madge the best of everything,
Kay
(Acres of Diamonds - formerly, ha... The Fortune of Annacara) (No, I don't expect you to read it.) xx view book

Carol, I'd never have thought a haunting tale such as this could be so enjoyable. You've given us a classic, I believe, with touches of laugh-out-loud humour in the midst of a beautifully written, historical story - yet ratched up the tension enough to give readers a creeping dread as to what might happen to our young Bess.

I have a lot more to read, but up to 6, I've made some notes you might wish to consider... or not! I'll paste them in here - my thoughts as I read:-

Opening para -
needs a comma after *.....the King's brother....*..
It might look like too many in such a short sentence, though - and it IS a good opening line. If you do try putting in a comma after *...brother...* and don't like it, may I suggest you give Harry's name in the 3rd sentence? Maybe -
*Since smallpox had been diagnosed, he (had) scarcely left his brother Harry's side.*

2nd para, too many *had*s. Ha.
('Tis said, use only one *had* to convey the past)....
The rest is extremely atmospheric, with language so right for the period, yet easy on the eye, easy to follow.
The end line of ch.1, though - I'm not entirely sure what it means, and not sure if you actually need it.
I do love the intrigue here.

ch.2
Eleven months' earlier.
We're into first person narrative.
Good opening. I don't think you need a comma after *lantern* and then *yard-gate*.
Suggest -
*Then I would trot outside and light our old stable lantern to hang aloft the yard-gate, to act as a beacon to guide the coachman.* (We know it's dark...) (Also, *trot*...? She's weary. I like the word, but I would think *trudge* or somesuch might convey that weariness more.
The sinister coachman... well drawn! We now know our narrator is Mistress Thompson, and she is to go and live in her brother Robbie's London house, a place the coachman reveals it is a sinister place and holds many a secret tale...
I see our girl reacts to this with *His jesting unsettled me,....* and I wonder if she knows at this point if he is jesting - that *jesting* would only become apparent when he then laughs.
The good maid Mary is probably right to suggest her late father's pistol....

Comma alert...
*Trying to recall what silver plate had been left, as my father of late (no comma needed here) had sold much of it to pay his debts, unease kept rising within me.*

*I stared outside at the strangely (no comma needed...) silent barnyard and watched the sorrow of the moonlight, splashed by the rain.*
Beautiful feeling in that line.
A sad parting from Mary indeed.

Now, would this coachman call her *Bess*??? I think, before reading further of course, that perhaps it might be better to have Mary give her name here. (I see he calls her *Bess* again later - still doesn't seem right.)

A wonderful end to this chapter. So poignant. Bess's persona is all-pervading.

Through her voice, we also get a true sense of the history, which ties her story beautifully with the *Royal* prologue.

Ch.3
In the coach - such vivid descriptions to take the breath away.
Now, they stop at an Inn. Again, we have Phileas, the coachman, overstepping his mark, calling her *Bess*.
I love Bess's thoughts of her mother's wise words.
One little thing - not sure what Phileas means by asking the inn-keeper's wife if *she might take the top of the table*.
Again, such wonderful descriptions of Bess's onward journey, ending very well here as she worries what Phileas meant that she might regret London Town.

ch.4
Robbie her brother's house at last - with as many *chimneys as fingers on a witch's hand*. Fabulous.
As are the following passages heralding Bess's encounter with Nan, the maidservant.

And then... the thunderbolt, the news of her brother's condition. And a thunderbolt on top - we have *Christine*.

ch.5
Christine... with her *axe-edge beauty*. Your powers of description - used with such an easy grace - astonish me.
And I fear for the tabby cat...
Oh, good Lord... what monster is this woman? The way you've written this, I can feel the cold dread enveloping our Bess.

It'll envelop your readers, too. Your writing, your sense of history, your powers of description, all masterful. Brava, Carol. I shall shelve your book as soon as I possibly can, with the highest number of stars we can give right now.

Wishing you every success - which I am sure will come your way,

from Kay
(The Fortune of Annacara) view book

Mick, feeling *as lonely as a sparrow in the rain* got me straight in the heart. I've read all 7 chapters uploaded here, and can see this has a literary quality all its own. The writing is beautiful, yet it's true as God is my Witness, so to speak.

The opening is gentle, but then comes the jolt of where Charlie is - written almost as a mere fact of life. In between chapters on life at home, school, and of course the damned factory, later the Call-Up, you go back to the prison, and it's sense of impending gloom and dread for the court hearing. And all the time, readers will be wondering what exactly Charlie has done... but be entertained and sorrowful in turns for the path his life has taken. Stabs of being called a Jew, pitied for that and for his lost Dad, and then accepted by Julie, but mocked on the sidelines by her contemporaries. Life in the raw for those times - possibly what would have befallen Albert Finney's character in *Saturday Night and Sunday Morning*, had that story been older, and Albert more complex a person, seen harder times.

Crits...? Only that some paragraphs could do with breaking into two or three for ease of reading! And... your tag line. I think it needs to catch the eye more, especially on here... I love the end line of the pitch, which I think you could use up top, as it were - *Will Charlie [Bernstein] pay the ultimate price?* If you can squeeze that in the 25 words allowed, it's a fabulous hook...

High stars given, Mick, and a turn on my shelf for you, with my admiration for such beautiful-to-the-bone honest-to-God writing.

Kay x
The Fortune of Annacara view book

Well, drive an eighteen-wheeler through my open mouth, miss Sheri!! I'd seen your book on some friends' shelves, and liked the cut of your blurb so much I had to come by and read it. I'm really glad I did. Your writerly voice through Harper is warm and real, contrasting with the sassy, maybe selfish McCall. Your turns of phrase, given voice in Harper's mind, are just so colorful - yet natural as the day is long. Too many to pick out for favorites! Although, the one about the ambulance being the most exciting thing to happen in the county since the local mortician ran off with his secretary, has to come close to the top...

I'm only up to ch.6, and have to pause a while - late here. I'll be reading on. I love the analogy of the actual 'crazy quilt', love the setting, these two girls and Nora, too. I love the plans each girl has for the future, late Grandmother Randol's approval or not, I kind of wish I'd known her... yet feel as though I do through Harper's eyes.

Maximum stars for you, Sheri, and a turn on my shelf as soon as I can wrangle it.

From Kay, with all good wishes
The Fortune of Annacara view book

Max, I think I'm too breathless to leave a coherent comment... thud-thud-thud... But I'll say this: echoing Clarice Starling, (a little), you have a rabidly sick serial killer who thinks someone rude to cut him up on the road... Mind you, he's got a point.

I'm still reading - it's heart-stopping... but you've created a real sense of place, of atmosphere, of who these early victims are, and of course, a *Hell's Angel* to fit the name. You've also given a glimpse of Bruce, as well as his narrow escape - early escape, anyway.

The opening, set years' later, is breathtaking. It's also intriguing, mystifying. As the story unfolds, I think readers will turn the pages with eyes half-hidden from the pages in a kind of foreboding dread.

Dare I offer any crit?? Not really. A few rather long paragraphs, maybe - not long in words... just that some could be broken into two or three for ease of reading, that's all. As in ch.4, the switch to Cortina man's p.o.v. is mid-paragraph and took a bit of re-reading!! And, possibly, some overly long descriptions of place when Lei (I presume!) is hiking around this last place she knew her [feckless] boyfriend to have been. A bit too much, I think - although, of course, it hits very hard when it becomes clear who she is, the last third of that chapter. A time for the jaws to drop...

Is the world ready for another Hannibal Lecter? Well, I think you've got it here. And with the addition of *The Sister* - and her being sought by the Church and God knows who else... and young Bruce becoming *Miller*, this goes far beyond anything even Clarice could solve.

Stunning writing with a plot to match, I can only give this all the stars allowed, and a turn on my shelf.

From Kay with my best wishes for your inevitable success.
(The Fortune of Annacara) view book

Kathleen, I'm loving this, every minute of it. Only a few chapters in, and I have to pause as it's late, but I'll just have to read on and on.

The opening short prolog is a shock combined with a wish by the reader at the end of it to do the dirty deed for the poor girl. The poor girl we find out, at this juncture of reading, has to be Lucy. I think she'll turn out to be quite a heroine. The scenes at the fort are vibrant, and even though, possibly, there are too many characters being introduced so early - probably necessarily - it's a realistic portrayal, and charmingly funny in the right places. So even though we're introduced to quite a few soldiers, each is memorable. The transformation of our Rob Edwards is as smoothly done as the transformation itself. And the tears are real. I just know readers will cry, laugh, and root for this soldier all the way.

I'll be reading on, and for now give this a whole haversack of stars together with a shelf spot on the top bunk.

From Kay
(The Fortune of Annacara) view book

David, I think you've got quite a story here - more a story of what kindness and understanding, even if begrudging at first, can come out of two strangers, of what people are capable of inside despite themselves.

I am only up to ch.4 at the moment, and it's drawing me along, getting stronger by the minute. I have to say, though, that I think Ella's backstory in ch.2 might serve you better if drawn in a little later. I felt kind of taken out of the immediacy with Tucker before I've gotten to know her better. BUT, the last half of ch.2, ah, now we have some intrigue that's strangely more powerful than all the abuse Jack used on Ella - and by that I mean for this point of the story. Yes, the abuse is powerful on its own, awful, but I think just a little of that here would draw the reader in more, make them curious. Have that backstory either later or in pieces -- I think, anyway.

Ch.3 is shocking, and here's a *backstory* well done. Then we learn in a goodly fashion about the grandchildren, and we have the daughter Maisy to relish, or confront, next.

Good writing style, David. I have to say I normally hate present-tense with a passion, but now there's you, and you do it so well! And with a slice of hard, good and clean back-country life that's still part of American pioneering grit.

High stars, and a turn on my shelf a.s.a.p. with further reading for me to savor.

Kay
(The Fortune of Annacara) view book

Timothy, I'm finding this story powerful, and shocking - all the more so because it must be how it is for Palestine. It brings it home, and I think it'll show how things could be, should be. With people like your Aisha, whose strength and hope I can see growing with Rafiq, his admirable mindset for his school being willed into her.

It's a slow, descriptive opening, but good Lord it puts us there, and goes to make the shelling such a shock. Just how it must be. Then you give us Aisha's pain, her love for those children, and we learn what might become of Aisha through his thoughts and through those thoughts his ambitions.

I have to read more, and my only crit so far, if I may be so bold, is that some paragraphs could be made into two or three, if only for ease of reading on here! I don't want anyone to miss a beautiful word of this.

I am starring and shelving this now, wishing you every success with this story that should be required reading - not only for mere fiction-readers, but governments. Perhaps it can let them see what they really must strive to achieve, what the people once had in that Holy Land.

From Kay
(The Fortune of Annacara) view book

Shirley Grace, your voice is carrying me along like a molasses train to the Whistle Stop Cafe! One who's lived the life on these pages, perhaps - and it puts me in mind of Annie Proulx's work.

I was kind of hooked from the start, didn't really know why - because there are some long narratives, even info-dumps. But here's the thing, they're all so danged interesting! And all still written in that distinctive voice. The last third or so of the Prologue really hit home. In ch.2, eventually... I find it's that little girl, aka Thompsie. Idyllic life, in one way, and there's Kirker down the mountain. Now, we get into an almost surreal slice of the story, the burnt man. And then we meet Margaret, who's almost as surreal in this setting, but larger than life.

All rather mysterious, the burnt man, and now Margaret who presents Thompsie with this man, George, conjuring him up out of the blue, so it seems. The dialog with him goes between normal, old-lover/friend banter - and very well done, to the surreal again.

This early - and I have more to read, of course - I can sense Thompsie's past, present, and future, and I like how you're showing it to us, revealing it almost as it's being revealed to Thompsie.

High stars for such a unique voice, with a backing as soon as I can do it.

From Kay Christine xx
(The Fortune of Annacara) view book

Olive, I think you've the Irish storyteller's ways... surely drawn me into this beautifully written tale. I already have visions of Ruth worrying about being seen with the pigs as she arrives in Dublin, but my heart went out to her as she stands there in the hotel, worrying about her stout-washed hair.

I'll be reading on, of course, how could anyone not? You've given us Ruth, and with admirable ease you never lose sight of her even with a plethora of characters in this first chapter. And each character has his or her own little spotlight. It's possible some might think there are too many in just the first chapter - as Ruth starts to tell her story, of all her sisters and their *futures*, in backstories and all. I did wonder, but no, it all flows so beautifully, each person, backstory, side-step, all meld in the lilt of Ruth's voice.

As I say, I'll be returning for more, but I have to back this now.

From Kay with love and luck to you xx view book

Margaret, I just wanted to pause half-way through this extract (as it's very late!), and tell you how much I am enjoying it. Every one of your books I've loved, and this lives up to your own excellence - from the brilliant pitch onwards!

We have the measure of James from the off, with a great introductory chapter that ends with an equally great hook, and even as a small boy when you take us back, I can see the seeds of his later resentments planted. I felt so for Mary, and felt relief to find her somewhat contented with the kindly (if practical) John Rush.

I did have to re-read ch.3 opening, where we first meet John - very slight confusion as to who was talking to whom there, until he emerges. Only other nit so far is the pesky apostrophes... only in names, i.e. Prestons. You have a few *Preston's*. Ha.

Later, James' reasons for such resentment grow clear - rather sad all round.

The chapter where James sets eyes upon Stanfield Hall is just wonderful. So too are James' thoughts all through. His hot-blooded feelings as he watches Susannah could almost give one hope he might have love inside him, but methinks now, it's probably lust mixed with that avarice.

John's story of the Hall brings up an interesting notion - this talk of the Jermys. I won't speculate here... but the way you've written it plants clues in a rather delicious fashion...Delicious, and yet I do fear for Susannah.

I've more to read, but have high-starred it now, and it'll go on my shelf soon. Excellence personified, Margaret.

From Kay with love xxx

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Operation Kashgar - and Spymaster Wang.

Hock, this is fascinating, a true *Smiley* for current times and troubles, with the added, exotic allure to Western readers of the mystique that is China. And if I may say so, *Spymaster Wang* as a title on its own would draw readers like moths to a flame... As would a slightly brighter green on the cover!! Jade, methinks. Aside from these trifles, I have read through three chapters so far, although I must revisit 3 to digest more - set as it is ten years' earlier, giving us the background of the Pashtuns together with the Soldier/Spy activity and important dialogue.

Here are some thoughts I'm pasting in, made as I read --

Prologue
We have Spymaster Wang sparring with Sergeant Major Li, given the Spymaster for weekly sessions by friend General Chen.
Chen has found out that Li is in cahoots with Comrade Commissar Wu, and obliged to him - speculating as to why, that perhaps it was because Wang had declined to appoint a Wu protege as his deputy. He tells Wang, but worries he and his friend have not yet found time to discuss this.

We learn, from Li's thoughts, that he must kill or maim Spymaster Wang, and he has not yet found how he could physically - or morally, do this.

Wang ends session, tells Li they will spar in a different place next time.
Wang's mind is racing now. He wonders if he needs a bodyguard, (as he is aging - 50s, much older than Li), what C.Comm. Wu really wants, and what will he say at the meeting Politburo Committee on Public Security in two days --- especially in light of the new activity in *Operation Kashgar*.

INTERESTING prologue, full of sinister intrigue. And a wonderful opening line.
Possibly too much of the actual fighting - too much detail for some, I think. So much that the important plot points and characterizations are a little buried.

Therefore, I can only suggest for your consideration, that you mix the fighting with each character's thoughts a bit more, going from one to the other with every few blows - as each must never, or hardly ever, take his eyes off his opponent. An ideal scenario for such thoughts, I think.

Nevertheless, it all has a rhythmic flow, much like the balletic fighting. And the scene is set.

Ch.2

*Surveillance* - Beijing, 2 weeks earlier.

Spymaster Wang is with Analyst Tang, a lady. She has briefed him of a potential arms sales - nuclear - by a North Korean dealer (called Kim), and that the fact the Pashtuns in Afghanistan were the putative buyers, and this could be important. Plus, there are five other deals like it.
Wang asks her what it means.

AHH - now, I think you could mention who the Pashtuns are in your Pitch.
Also, a bit of info-dumping here, which I think you could work a little more as thoughts - where you then have him reflecting on the Analyst, so in the same way he could reflect on the situation rather than you, the writer, telling us - which takes us out of the scene-set rather. All interesting stuff, though.

Perhaps, also, where you state what Analyst Tang is wearing, that could be conveyed as he *reflects* on her and her staff - or where you give us her Red Guard parentage background.

Then we have Administrator Hu interjecting - and he gradually comes into the dialogue/meeting after ---.

AN INTERLUDE... On Analyst Tang's background, as an undercover GEISHA - THIS IS FASCINATING, possibly meriting its own book...
I humbly suggest its own chapter!

Then we have a very interesting discussion between her, Wang and Hu, with Hu repeatedly making points worthy of The Editor in *All the President's Men*... (to the effect, *but how does this affect China?*)

All very clever. And Wang's wisdom at the end of this chapter lets us know why he holds his office. A true Spymaster.

This has the potential, all the hallmarks for being a classic thriller, a literary thriller, which are few and far between. It has a great deal to say. I just think it needs a little tweaking as to characters' thoughts giving us the background information and such, which would bring the reader closer to these intriguing characters, where they will take us.

Six stars for originality, and I shall back this as soon as I can. It is fascinating in all its clammy, frightening reality.

From Kay with a high regard
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Catherine, you've got one hell of an opening there! Beautifully written, too. All of it makes me want to read on, see for myself this life and a half you've led. As more than an added bonus, you are giving readers an insider's look at high Royalty, and the glamor of tv and Hollywood.

But you have this incredibly sad side of life to tell, too. Bonus again, you have the tale of how you turned your life around, and honorable, sweet lady you obviously are, want the book to help others who might find themselves in a similar situation, even if just one.

I'll read more. The only crit I have at this moment is that you should put a little of the film connection (perhaps the Royal one, too) in the Pitch. Sell it, ma'am - and that glamor, those connections, are what a big Publisher such as HC want.xx

Sending love and best wishes with a shedload of stars (backing later, when I can), together with my thanks for the lovely, kind comment you left on my own Ragged Yellow Ribbon - as I was unable to leave you a private message!!

From Kay with love view book

Steven, this is almost Hitchcockian in its build-up during the first 8 chapters I've read so far, with the good guy, everyman character of Walter almost stumbling across some very bad guys who unwittingly, perhaps, commit a heinous crime. But Walter is no ordinary everyman, as a Chief Investigator with the Kentucky Bureau of Investigation he has crimes to solve, is straight as they come - so far - but he also has this obsession. Even this is no ordinary obsession - the beautiful Ercoupe airplane, not just any ol' crop duster - as he just knows its pilot is up to no good. And he has to prove it.

I typed my thoughts as I read each chapter, and I'll paste them in here, hoping my observations might help in some way to make this even better --- (There's a lot of these thoughts...) ----

Prologue
A thrilling start with an absolutely shocking finale.
P.S. since I first read this a day or two ago - I wonder if you've changed the end lines? I just clicked to resume reading tonight, and noticed it looked a little different, not as powerful for some reason. Maybe it's me... It's still shocking.
One thing - NOT sure about the word *BANG!* - don't think you need it.

Ch.1
Walter McNeil reading documents at his desk. We learn he's a Chief Investigator at the Bureau - assume FBI - (Ah, later I see it's the Kentucky Bureau of Investigation), and Thursday afternoons are for his own personal investigations - *and will leave the office early*.
TYPO - I think it should be *and would leave the office early.*

A mystery begins for what appears to be a methodical, neat man.
His noting of the literature on the 'plane sets up a clue for what might happen later.
Even his leaving the office appears everyman. I love -
*Walter could be anybody.*

Home with Clara - Dialogue a bit stilted, I think, especially when she'd be used to him doing this by now.
Outside - maybe a few too many mentions of those cottonwoods...
He sees the Ercoupe....
We find he's curious as to its destination, that the pilot's activity may be illegal - but he's not sure enough to utilize KBI personnel.
.
He drives all the way to Missouri, and is rewarded by seeing the plane again... and (I guess) he thinks the matter is likely one for the Alcohol, Tobacco and Tax Division.
And -
*He was in fact a courier*.
Does Walter realize this? It's not really clear here.
Wait - the clocked times. But, I think you could show a little more excitement here from Walter - even just a slap of his watch. A bit more from his POV, his thoughts - a *that's it* moment, maybe, when he realizes the 'plane's route, how long it's taken from A to B.

We do have a mystery set up in this first chapter, and a naturally suspicious Bureau man in Walter - an everyman who's anything but...

Ch.2
Morning, and Clara worries what he's going to do...
A bit too much here, I think, on what she's doing with the toaster, etc. Okay, all to show how much of a routine his life is, including their morning prayer together - a sweet moment. But honestly, I think we've seen enough of his methodic ways, to not include every movement his wife makes... apart from the prayer, the way they do it, which says so much on its own.

Into the office, and Katherine excited about the bank in Wilmore that's been robbed.
An efficient phone call to the bank - the vice president... and to Sheriff Ira Barnes on the scene - instructions given, and Garden City field agent Tom Cooper is sent to process the scene, apparently like an earlier one in Coldwater.
***
Aha, a HUGE chunk of what is fondly known as an info dump now, on the prohibition laws of '65... which I think, personally, could be filtered in rather than this chunk. Interesting to me, but it seems out of place here - especially for a thriller, and especially as, buried near the end of it, we find that Bill - one of the new characters suddenly introduced within this information - has the Ercoupe.

Now, may I suggest you start this section with that line? i.e.
*The life of winter wheat farming suited William, and with his Ercoupe..........* etc. (Maybe call him Bill later, in dialogue.)
This is only my personal opinion, but honestly, I think if you lead this section with that line, then the info on prohibition and Bill and Heck's backgrounds would come to a reader much more easily - unless you can find a way to filter that information in smaller pieces, perhaps as we meet each character. And they ARE very interesting characters!

Ch.3
Walter gets field agent's report, follows leads straight from home to stores, auction - looking for places selling blow torches... and he's home by noon.
I think he's on to something with the robberies and farm boys...

JUMPING to your ch.8 (because I know you wanted me to read this... but I do go back to 4,5,6,7 afterwards!!)

This is exciting - and I see you've got that prologue in the middle of it --- with those names!!!
It's well done, going between our farm boys and Walter giving his description to Judy, the police sketch artist.
Before I say I think you should start the book with this whole chapter, and maybe add in the section from the current ch.1 where he's tracking the plane... I'll now have to go back and read ch. 4-7.
BUT, whatever I find there, this truly is a great chapter.

So...
ch.4
Bill getting fuel delivered as he's been working on building a boat.
Lot of detail here on the fuel......Is it all necessary?
We meet his wife, Emily. He tells her he's meeting Heck and Joe tomorrow at the lake to fish a few days.
***
With Walter and then Agent Tom Cooper, talk about the robberies.
But Walter wants to leave early to get on with his mission in Missouri.
A lot of details at a filling station...again, necessary?

ch.5
With Bill, readying his 'plane - again, a lot of tech detail on the checks he makes. (I hate to say it, but most readers will skim these bits.)
Talk with Emily, and we learn from her of the trafficking, alcohol trafficking.
Ah, mention of the *horizon*.
***
Walter en route to Missouri.
Perhaps his first thoughts as to why he's doing this, of Clara, of what lay ahead in the next hour of his life. But, he figures that it's what he must do, act on his hunch that the Ercoupe pilot is breaking the law in some way.
He's sneaking around the Langdon farmhouse, hunkers down.
He sees the plane do a practised landing, and he's met by a man from the farmhouse.
Oh - you've got *The man said to the pilot*. I think maybe you need a mention of this man beforehand, as all we've got is the bang of a screen door out back of the farmhouse, and then a *them*. I don't think you need *He watched for now with only his eyes*...
Anyhow, he hears the name *Bill* for our pilot, and watches crates being loaded, and then bottles of liquor. His suspicions confirmed. It's interesting how Walter is so lost in thought when it's safe for him to leave - well done.

ch.6
Now we see Bill flying home and meeting Heck, unloading the bottles for Heck's truck.
Heck minds his own business, where it all comes from.
Bill readies himself for Emily...
Lot of detail as to his ablutions...too much, methinks.
And a lot of detail of their lovemaking - THIS, people will read!
Poor Heck, on the other hand, gets an earful from his Doris. But still he goes off *to the lake* with Bill.
****
Bill and Heck - they take off, and again, we have a lot of 'plane detail...
***
Walter talks about it all with Clara, who suggests a sketch artist for him to unload what he's seen of Bill.
He requests such when he gets to the office. The wonderful Clara is fast becoming a Hitchcockian female *nice sidekick*!
***
Bill and Heck talk, talk of the risk of Heck's drinking, what he might say, and Bill tells him he's promised Emily he'll stop the liquor runs, and just as well for Heck and Doris.
***
Walter talks with Agent Cooper re the robberies - bit of a stalemate, and then Sheriff Ira Barnes -- mentions 'planes, and the Sheriff says there's loads around there, etc. And he'll be glad to have a look at a drawing to see if one in particular looks familiar...
The strings are pulling together.

ch.7
Bill and Heck arrive Missouri, realize they have no rope, but get to an old car - use fuel tanks from its trunk to fill plane etc. But Bill has to live with not tying the plane down for the night....
Off to the cabin where they meet Joe and Michael with their *temporary* car - plates are moved.
No good can come of this...
Talk between the four at the picnic table - interesting, how their ancestors fought here, and that talk turns distinctly Klu Klux from Michael.
That's how things were, and you've nailed it pretty damn well.

***
Back with Walter who goes to get lunch (without the attractive presence of Katherine...), before the sketch artist arrives.
***
Billl and co., and they're on their way - nice seating arrangements in the car, good detail on the relationships - to rob a Safeway store on its payday.
***
Walter with lunch from Dairy Queen and a vanilla malt for Katherine, nice touch.
The sketch artist, Judy, prepares to begin.

And we're back at the thrilling climax of chapter 8.

An absolutely absorbing read, Steven. I do think, though, there are sections with far too much pedantic detail - and that's knowing that these details might well be important for the crime solving ahead. Walter's routine is important, but there are little things I don't think are so much - every movement of his hands, how he fills his car, etc. and those of Clara. But also we have every movement the others make, so I'd say that unless these things are so very important to the plot, I beg you to consider pruning them a bit, and/or filtering them in more.

That said, chapter 8 is right where it belongs!! And putting that section of it up front is brilliant. Your characterizations are well-drawn, all of them, and the way you've let us get to know the *baddies* just as well as the goodies and Walter, is so very well done, right down to the things they talk about - bang on for the period.

High stars are all I can give this right now, but I'll give it a turn on my shelf as soon as I can for you.

Kay Christine
(*The Ragged Yellow Ribbon*)

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Miles, I've been reading this for a few nights now... and, finally (!) have a comment for you.

Overall, it has a sense of melancholy, and yet growing menace, mystery, fear and foreboding.
The main characters of the old man, Felix, the boy Romain, and Laurent, we care about, want to know more about. Others, the gypsies, are as moths to the flame, fireflies, but they know the dangers, they are survivors, one can only hope. The friars, thus far, provide fascinating contrast. Then we have men such as the municipal officer, who do what they must do, and we can hate them or not for it. Finally - thus far - we feel the presence of the Gestapo. And pray for the Resistance, just as we pray for Laurent and for his lost brother whose past, and that of their family, presents a mystery of intriguing proportions.

Like the lavender fields, we know France will bloom again, and know, somehow, the human spirit in these characters will triumph, but oh, at what cost?

Here are my thoughts for each chapter -

1)
Atmospheric to the nth degree, especially the travellers passing. And the dialogue with the boy is touching. However, a few passages, for me, have just too much description - the fire, the clouds, the wagon wheels on the muddy 'roadbed'. It all hides - for me - lines of such beauty, such poignance, that show the people inhabiting this landscape. It IS beautiful writing, just, I think, a bit overdone.

2) THE TRAIN - and *the passenger* - near Marseilles.
Stunning passages on the Africans, and then what the one tells the passenger, and how the others had viewed this stranger, depicting him as one who watches, not a soldier, but quiet - *sadness in him*.
He slips off at Roanne in a way not to be noticed by guards, and that gives us an early hint of dangers to come.
A cafe - *the Arab with a collapsed jaw* is done so subtly I can see him, that cafe, the passenger's walk through town.
At Les Fougeres Hotel, he asks the old clerk if he knows Sept-Fons. The Abbey. And the interruption here from the suspect couple is a delight.
It is some journey he undertakes on foot.

***
Sheltering - and his feeling of that smoke, the scorched plains, and of *The Lavender fields set ablaze in some ungodly act* - is all so beautiful, yet of course so utterly sad.

There are a couple of things here... nitpicking. *The little fire.....* --- and *the* a few other things, the houses, the barn.... I am wondering if these things need a little prompting, as it were. At first, I am picturing him sitting against a wall, then he's under the boards of a once used shepherd's hut, and it's raining, wet rocks. But we have a fire, and coals.
I'm not saying every action should be explained.. perhaps just a little more or less as his viewpoint, instead of you pointing the reader to *the* this and that - let Laurent see these things..
Paradoxically, again, I think there is perhaps a little too much fanciful description that takes me away from the dankness of his situation. And again, that is not to say the writing is not beautiful - it is.

TYPO near end ch.2 -
*....that was both imperative and remote to THE him*.

The end of ch.2 pierces the heart.

Ch.3
The old man rides, meets the gypsies - after stopping to talk to a blind man, and he finds a small heifer torn apart.

Meets the gypsies - and we meet them, meet Tatane and Tina. And the old man offers them his farmland until the war ends. We learn of their fate if they do not take his offer.
Interesting, and so atmospheric I can see the fire sparks in their eyes.

***
We are still with the Old Man, and he meets Mr Pentecote - Pierre, the local municipal officer of Diou in his office. And we find the old man's name, too - Felix Caselle.

And now, it all tightens. We have talk of the Gestapo, and of what his offer to the *Nomads* could mean.
It has a foreboding.

ch.4
Laurent walking, the cold, seeing the young woman in a rose coloured dress, lifeless, and it is as sad as sad can be.
At last he reaches the Abbey. A friar eventually comes to the door - one with pink eyes...
The friar's "Monsieur, are you okay?" seems a tad English, modern. I suggest "... all right?" or "...sick?"
And again a little later, after Laurent has eaten the kindly offered food.

Then he is taken to meet the Abbot, Dom Chautard.
All long descriptions to this point, of the Abbey, what he can see outside. Beautifully done, but again, burying the best phrases. As with Dom Chautard - to me, less would be more here. *A hand of poverty, bare and white. A hand of the church.* This says so much - worth a million of his physical and dress description.

And after the apparent finality of the Abbot denying his brother's presence, he thinks of one from the past, and it would seem Laurent's brother Pascal, had taken their mother's maiden name. And a mystery from that past.
We learn that along with many other monasteries, monks had been conscripted, along with Laurent's brother. He has gone to war.

Very interesting history there, and a shock, of course, for Laurent. It also sets up a number of questions to be answered. Laurent's past, his reasons, what happened to his family, what will happen to him now - and to his brother. Quite stunning.

TYPOS.....a few near the end of this chapter.
*...the only name that bares any resemblance to your brother's.* (Should be *bears* ...)
*A conjuror's...* *At its...* *...as if someone had turned OFF the wireless....*
The Abbot - "I'm afraid your brother, Pascal.* (Should be either an ellipsis or dash here) i.e. *I'm afraid your brother, Pascal - or Dom Falgoux, as he is known....*

ch.5
With the old man Felix and Romain, and we learn a little of their sad past.
Romain visits the gypsies - again, so atmospheric. And a car is seen, two men. Foreboding. In the town, Romain buying bread, and sees the gypsies - a rather charming episode there, and then he hears people talking in the cafe.
We hear of parachutes being found... the Resistance.
They wonder if the Abbey is sheltering....
Indeed, as you say, *As if they were both waiting for some impending news found in arc of the landscape.*
(Dammit - *AN arc...*???)

It's all quite stunning, Miles, truly. You surely do have that painterly eye. I believe you've captured what it was like for the French, with only each other to turn to under the sound of the jackboots.

Six stars for your rare gift, and a place on my shelf.

From Kay Christine
(The Ragged Yellow Ribbon)


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Kevin, I haven't read anything like this - ever. It's extraordinary, addictive storytelling. Willy's voice is just mesmerizing in its simplicity, its truth - even if he does tell the odd little ol' white lie to Elsie, and who can blame him fooling Howie? As for Nancy, who can blame the boy?

Humor and pathos, and now, by chapter 6, heartbreak. Yet readers, I think, will be so immersed in the lives of all these characters who live on the fringes of society, they'll fight, along with Willy, to find the rotten core among them. You've planted some clues, maybe some red herrings, and planted them well.

A few minor nitpicks thus far, hardly worth mentioning... I wasn't sure if Stanley runs the diner or is the one working there. And Roy... I guess I'll find out where he fits in - or not. I also felt this was more *Depression Era* than '69, not that it matters. I think it's because it has the sheer class of those earlier writers all over it - yet it has a style all its own that'll appeal so much to today's readers. It's such a great story, and of course I have more to read - up to 6/7 at the moment..

Your style - not even a style, because I think your writing comes simply from the heart, is what it is, is utterly unique. I am put in mind of a Tennessee Williams, even Harper Lee. Kind of a Streetcar Named Desire at this Morpheum Hotel, but with characters far more diverse, larger than life and yet, strangely real. You have, too, that ever-fascinating puzzle of a crime, here a body, in a locked room. You also have a body we know and care about, one who always wanted to see a bluebird. Above all, you have Mr. Winkley, and I love him.

A certain Mrs. Winkley from next door has just come to purr her approval...so I must away for now. And all I can do is give six stars to this superb book of yours, and a place on my shelf shortly.

Kay Christine
(The Ragged Yellow Ribbon) view book

Okay, you two... I don't know what the hell I'm reading, BUT... I'm backing it for the first two chapters and for Rex, the cat. Rex had me at the color of his paint - Louis Wain himself could not paint pictures like this. Rex lives.

Rex aside, you've got a real *Sleepless in Seattle* kind of life-story going on, but so Up Close and Personal it's almost An Affair to Remember. And I do not say these things lightly.

Seriously, I love your style, the voices, feelings, the symbolism of that necklace. It's all very human, yet written with such a diffeerent kind of approach - in a writerly sense - to maybe make this into a cult book.

Six stars because I can see a Cult coming a mile off...

From Kay with a lot of Love view book

GOODY!!! Another adventure with Tommy, Esmeralda and my second-favourite Cat - my niece-cat from next door being no.1... but of course, said niece-cat can't change her stripes like Saber, more's the pity!

You do know how to draw a reader in - and that's the be-all and end-all of a children's storyteller. I'll be reading on, that's for sure.

All the stars from the other Cosmos... and a backing from me with love.

Kay Christine
The Ragged Yellow Ribbon

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Al, another winner, I think. I am invested in these characters - and I am still reading. I just wanted to pause for now, as it's late, and paste in my thoughts so far, up to 3. And, so far, I think you sure could give *Dallas* a run for its money... but with the Falcons being tighter than the Ewings, the women tougher, and the family fighting anyone who threatens their whole, rather than each other! Hayley appears to be a woman of real substance - complex, with a vulnerability that touches the heart, yet no one will ever be allowed to see it, not while she has that gun and the Falcon name to uphold. Her daughter, Maxine, is just as complex. and we must hope she'll eventually live up to the genes surely hidden inside that insouciant mind. Hope is what we have for her - it's quite a legacy she has to bear.

Here's some thoughts as I read --

Don't care for the crudeness with the boys... his finger - although pretty realistic, I guess!.
Typo, I think -
*Her mother had used her weapon when threatened?* (Should that be a period?)
Not sure you need slung her back over her shoulder. Then we have it as a purse - which I know, of course, is American-ese for *bag*! Just felt you don't need the fact she slung the bag/purse over her shoulder there. It kind of intrudes on the following sentences re the oaks - beautifully envisioned.

Not sure you need *Wham! Wham!*... and then a second para starting with *When* again...
Hayley asks Maxine who she's living with now, but there's nothing really to denote Maxine hesitating, not answering, evading.

Then, Hayley leaving - I think... you have a couple of comedic touches, which I think are mis-placed here. Hayley leaving Maxine's, she *..wanted to kick something, but she had open-toed shoes*. I laughed, when really, I should be feeling empathy with Hayley. Hayley, who's obviously come to a kind of crossroads, realizing that although she's given her daughter an expensive education, sent her to the best places, she's not given her a childhood - and she wants to make up for that, to hug her and take her *home*.
I wonder, too, if you need a line within all of this, about her regret, perhaps, at kicking Maxine out - as we find out from Maxine, that's what happened. Well, at least that's how Maxine appears to see it - *the door was closed to her*. That they had pushed her out. So it doesn't quite fit, to me, how Hayley feels now - Perhaps we'll find out that one or the other has the facts wrong in her head. Or perhaps Hayley should have a thought or two added, that she HAD thought, with all that privilege and education, Maxine would've grabbed life in the big bad world by the horns, used her trust fund to set herself up somewhere nice, found a good career, husband, just as perhaps all the women in her family had done. They'd been bestowed with money, education and gumption, and yet her Maxine had *failed*. Perhaps this could mix with her motherly instincts, at last coming to the fore. In short, I think it just needs a little more confusion in her mind here, a grief mixed with anger at what her daughter's seemingly thrown herself away on.
Poignant end to this section - *Memories of--*

Now we are with Maxine. Profound thoughts from her. And she thinks of her boyfriend, this *Tater*... (Elvin Tait, I presume...). And she writes, for what we learn is a homeless charity. And what she writes is very good indeed.
Ah, one thing there - this is a very emotional section. But you have *She settled back in her chair and smiled*. I think you need something else there, or a little re-wording. A suggestion - Perhaps you only need the para to be: *Raw pain had tangled her words - however crude and unpolished, the words spoke to her... of her.*

And we find out she had actually been forced out of the Falcon home.

Typo? Maxine's website - *Savannah Sole* - should it be *Soul*?? Or even *Solo*. My first thought was that it should be *soul*... and at the end of Maxine's blogpost, she has *Feed a lost soul.*

Intiguing end to the chapter - readers' imaginations can run riot as to what she gets up to...although I'm not sure why she's removed a crystal bracelet - although, aha, I see it has a sad place in ch.2.

Ch.2
Tater... Elvin Tait. And he is a computer geek, able to watch what Maxine (*Max*) gets up to all day, living as she does in her fantasy world of online *flirtations*.
Interesting!
As are his motivations... a frightening man.

Now we're with Hayley again, at the Falcon Memorial Care Center.
GREAT atmosphere here, with those Oaks, and the Egret - and the moss-encrusted alligator. VIVID.
So is the scene with her Mama, our Patricia.

***
And we're with Maxine, receiving a birthday gift from Daddy, Shawn. We learn he is in Florida, and she hasn't seen him since she was 12.
A very POIGNANT passage.

With Hayley again, and find her with Zach, whose bed she shares. And he's her *go-to guy*. This frightening man her daughter is with had better watch out, I think.

EXCELLENT mix of characterization and plot, of course, as we've come to expect from this author. It's rare, these days, to find a book you want to keep going, save chapters for another day - as you do a tv serial in the class of Dallas or Downton Abbey; something to look forward to. Alan Chaput's books have that quality in spades.

A class act with stars to match.

From Kay Christine with love view book

Further to the comment I made earlier....:¬D I think you've done an absolutely amazing job on those edits.

With love from Kay xx. view book