In return for your comments on my book:

Your book cover is nice, but the words are a little hard to see. It looks as if it says riving Winds, but maybe it is because of the size.
Your short pitch reads as if she was adopted through hardship, adventure and games of wits. I think you meant sail with Adrianna through hardship, adventure, and games of wits, didn't you?
In the first four paragraphs, a lot of sentences begin with "the."
There are a lot of "hers" and "shes" in the third paragraph of the first chapter. "Shifted her position as she knelt" could be written as "shifted position as she knelt." "She pushed her messy blonde hair from her dirty face" could be written "She pushed messy blonde hair from her dirty face." You could also replace some of the shes with the little girl, the young girl, the child, etc. This is just my opinion, though.
The premise of the story, I think, is a good one. A Christian child growing up with pirates is an intriguing idea. view book

Where are the zombies? I backed this thinking there were zombies.

But it's ok. This made me laugh so hard, and I don't even do facebook. Even the pitch made me laugh. You are like the only sit down comedian I know.

Still, a few zombies wouldn't hurt. Maybe an almost apocalypse. You know like, oh is that a zom...no just a really tired guy walking in the street. Or a picture of a really tired guy walking down the street that someone put on facebook. view book

In return for the comments on my book.

This is a very well written story, as far as I have read, Jeffrey. The poem at the beginning is excellent. There are a few minor punctuation violations, but I barely even noticed them.

There is one thing you might look at. On occasion you use words that seem out of place with your style of writing. The one that springs to mind is the use of the word 'quack', which jarred me out of the narrative.

Other than that, it is very smooth read and you are pulled right into the story. I felt as if I were there. It is just the right style for this type of novel, I think. view book

I was not fond of your cover at first, but it has grown on me and I would not like to see it changed.

I find the short and long pitches very well written, and it very much sounds like literary fiction to me.

The writing is very good and interesting. I am easily able to feel and see what the MC is experiencing. I do not usually like present tense or first person, but I think both work well for this story. Present tense adds a bit of tension, and added to the first person perspective, where the reader is not able to know the intentions of other characters or see around corners, increases the feeling of suspense. I think first person also allows the reader to more quickly develop a relationship with the MC, again working in this story's favor.

I have not read everything that is posted, as this is not a genre I am normally attracted to, but what I have read is well paced and well written, and if I had more time, I think it would not take long before I was enjoyably - is that a word? - lost in this story. view book

There are numerous punctuation problems, none of which, as far as I read, detract from the story-telling.

If you tidy up your short and long pitch, it will make a better impression on potential readers.

How is Esmeralda's cottage run down? This is a case where you can flavor your story telling, by helping your young readers to visualize it. Maybe it is not important to your story, but personally, since you told us so much about how she looks, I would also like to visualize where she lives as well. What I have read of your story is like a base recipe, all of the basic ingredients so far, but maybe needing a little spicing up to become a tasty dish.

I think the story has potential, but for me, it is not quite there yet. I am backing, in exchange for the shelf time that you gave my book, based on the story idea.

I hope this does not discourage you in any way. It is just one person's opinion, and I have not read everything that you have uploaded. view book

Your book cover is nicely done.

I would take out the word 'seemingly' and 'seem' in your pitch to add more tension and adds certainty to the suggestion that she has no choices in life. I would also take out the reference to a bright future. It appears you've given away the ending. For instance, you could say something like this:

Destiny is a funny thing, and something extraordinary happens when Lordessa's fate intertwines with that of others. Bonds will be forged and broken, etc etc.

Something like that, but it is just my opinion. As it is now, you have told me she has a bright future and so I have no need to read the book, because I want a struggle that I don't know the outcome to so that I stay interested.

I love the opening of the first chapter. It's silly and I like it. Your writing is wonderful so far.

'When the trolls had come home' maybe should be 'when the trolls came home.' There is no need for a comma in the next sentence.

It's a wonderful story so far. :-) view book

Your cover accurately represents the title of your book. Your short and long pitches are clear and to the point.

You have some punctuation errors, but they do not detract from the readability of the story, and they are journal entries, so it is entirely appropriate to have spelling and punctuation errors, in my opinion.

I like the diary/journal format. Where I am from, men have journals and women have diaries, but perhaps that is a regional difference.

I can't really comment on the quality of writing in journal form because they are suppose to be journal/diary entries and those should be personalized for each person. I would expect to find quirks in the writing because it is suppose to be individuals writing their personal thoughts without regard to anyone reading them later.

I find reading someone's diary interesting and entertaining. The content is not dull or boring. view book

I lived in Colorado for a bit of my life. I have been through the Eisenhower tunnel many times. :-)

"Comfort, Colorado was a picture perfect, a paradise on" A picture perfect what?

Too many doors too close together. Maybe a few entrances are needed. She smiled at the wood barrier maybe. A pile of unread newspapers waiting at the entrance maybe.

Wichita instead of Wichata, unless you meant for him to be mispronouncing it

I remember this from FFF, so I will skim and go onto the next chapter. :-) view book

Welcome to my bookshelf!

I like your book cover.

The blurb makes me think this is science fiction since it says he was catapulted by a machine from one city to another. But your category only says thriller. Maybe that sentence does not mean what I think and now I am intrigued. What kind of machine has he found that should not exist? I want to read to find out.

The last sentence in the first paragraph is a bit awkward for me. Personally, I would leave out 'bottom' of the box and just say he fumbled and dropped the box, spilling the contents. The lid remained firmly in his grip. Something along those lines. Was he gripping the lid tightly because he was frustrated? For me, that is not clear.

The next biggest paragraph, the one that begins "As the men talked", is confusing to me. No matter how many tiimes I read it, I cannot make out what it is talking about.

I will come back later and perhaps it will read differently to me. view book

This doesn't count as backing my own book, does it? :-P view book

I know of Boudica from my Civilization 4 days! I like your cover, but the words are a little hard to read. Remember that your short pitch will be the only description showing up on the HC home page and in the book search, and to someone who is not familiar with Boudica, it may seem as if you are giving away the ending. Your story is 300 years later, but they will not be able to tell that from your short pitch.

There is an extra 'the' in the second to last line of your long pitch.

Other than that, I took a brief look inside the book and I like what I have read so far. You seem knowledgeable about the time period and your writing is smooth and easy to follow. I haven't found any other grammar/punctuation mistakes or anything I would like to see changed. I am looking forward to reading all four chapters.

I am happy to put your book on my shelf. :-)

Additional note: I was reading aloud and my son took an interest. He is also a Civ 4 fan and the medieval time period is one of his favorites. view book

Lovely reading so far, Sebastian. :-)

In your pitch you say an sprite instead of a sprite. It would look more professional if you cleaned up the line spacing. And there is a comma after 'or' that shouldn't be there. If you meant for the reader to pause there, maybe you could put an ellipsis instead.

In the first paragraph of chapter one I would change the last 'as' to ',and' to keep from having two 'as' in one paragraph. That is just my opinion, though. :-) view book

I feel that the first sentence in your long pitch could be rewritten to sound more professional. In my opinion it should read something similar to the following:

"After learning language, mankind recognized many powers around them, powers beyond their control that could be harmful or helpful."

The next sentence also needs to be rewritten. It is grammatically incorrect and makes a bad impression if someone is reading your pitch to find out about your book. It is not clear what is beyond their control, the ice age, the fact that they recognized the sun as their savior, or the sun being their savior.

I hope this helps. :-) view book