Constructive crit - feel free to ignore me. But in your first paragraph i counted four 'she this, she that.' The first four paragraphs bar one begin with 'she...' Billy Brighton - great character, enjoyed reading this - just needs a little edit. Best wishes, AJB :) view book

Elayne Chantrell I don't know why, but possibly b/c of the title 'Factory Girl' I expected this to be more earthy/gritty, like a Bronte novel...to me this was more like the Regency novels, almost Austen like. Having read chapt6 , I see things get grittier as the chapters progress and for sure th... view book

Randy - just read the big build-up, i've been laughing my head off - nipples that could cut glass! Will be back to read this properly. AJB view book

Ian , I really enjoyed reading your vampire novel. Here's a little critique - I will remove it if you want to , what do I know? Try not to start paragraphs with 'ing' words - this can be distracting for some - and dont use too many adverbs. A fine story - just needs a little editing. Best of lu... view book

David Price was correct with his 'dude lit' comment - this is excellent BUT having said that - this novel would appeal to women aswell as men. Your writing style (fist person) Arne, is very well done , and not at all distracting, you don't use 'I' too much at beginning paragraphs. Your style is wit... view book